don’t try to tell me I’m ‘okay’
     don’t try to tell me I’m ‘mine’
when my face is streaked with tears--
and I feel like it’s been this way for years
     don’t try to tell me I’m ‘blase’
     don’t try to tell me I’m ‘fine’

If I’m not speaking to you, don’t stress,
I’m probably just trying to clean up my mess.
If I’m not amazing to you, don’t press,
I’m probably just trying to feel good in this dress.

If you ever see my body shake when you hold me,
I’m sorry, I’m not used to being loved.
If you ever see my lips quiver when you kiss me,
I’m sorry, I’m not used to being your beloved.

If you ever see me walking alone, don’t come up to me,
I’m probably just wishing for the end of this brutality.
If you ever see me running alone, don’t try to stop me,
I’m probably just fleeing from this punishing reality.

If you ever see my face go blank, don’t shudder,
I’m probably just trying to be strong, my own anchor.
If you ever see my knees go weak, don’t wonder,
I’m probably just trying to be brave, against this thunder.

If you ever see me dreaming, don’t go screaming,
I was probably just trying to pretend we were angels.
If you ever see me crawling, don’t be leaving,
I was probably just trying to forget all my troubles.

If you ever feel like my love is lost, don’t doubt,
I’m just trying to comprehend that you’ll stay.
If you ever feel like my trust is lost, don’t shout,
I’m just trying to believe our relationship won’t fray.

     I wish I could learn to
write when I know I can’t fight
smile when I know I can’t frown
laugh when I know I can’t cry
sing when I know I can’t speak     and
run when I know I can’t fly.
     don’t try to tell me it’s not too late.

If you ever see me scream in terror, don’t worry,
It’s probably just this living nightmare--
It won’t do much but impair,
my sense of all things beastly.

If you ever see me snipping my hair, don’t ask,
I’m probably just trying to break free from this mask.
If you ever see me ripping my skin, don’t move,
I’m probably just trying to prove:
     I’m not who they think I am.

If you ever see me cutting, don’t tell,
I’m just trying to feel something inside this numb shell.
If you ever see me burning, don’t yell,
I’m just trying to feel warm under this cold spell.

If you ever see my dead body, don’t cry,
I was probably just too tired to continue to try.