Self Medication

April 3, 2009
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I took my hand straight from the past and linked my fingers together
I took a leap of absence from this point in time I never envisioned seeing
to gain some new perspective.
I thought for sure your figure was cemented within the barriers of my thoughts
and until now I was right.

But it's refreshing, cleansing,
to see your face again
even if it's dimensions are no longer what they used to be.
I never noticed the way our eyes met with such symmetric emotion
the feel is so distant now.
But yet, I don't seem miss it.
For the first time,
I am numb.

I guide myself forward
through times I don't care to recall
and times that now hurt,
but never did before.
through both Decembers spent tangled up in each others dreams by the fire.
through times, when present, were the times I felt I had the world.
And I did,
It was right there in that vacant space between our hands
that I now stare at.

At one point,
we had it all.
At one point,
the lines in your eyes that make that blue canvas a stormy masterpiece,
I won't ever recall seeing.
And at one point,
when I let go of my hand and return to where I'm at in life,
the pain that I watched and the smiles that I felt,
will no longer ware on my heart the same way they used to.

I have found the world is much too big to hold between two joining hands.





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