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Alone
April 1, 2009
Sitting in the kitchen, silent
but for the steady hum of the fridge,
resting upon the chair: my back upon its back,
my arms resting on its arms.
Over-burdened counters sagging with packages
Unattended to, forgotten and left.
the voices in the background, fading in and out.
Doors slamming with a sense of finality.
The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines
As they run through their simple cycles.
Besides this, the kitchen is silent, silent and sad.
As I sit on the hard chair, staring out into nothing.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 24 comments.
amyxu said...
on Sep. 3 2009 at 8:34 pm
Ooh this is creepy! Good job with all the images in here. Very Edgar Allen Poe-ish. If you have time, please check out a few of my poems. Keep writing :)
You are really an excellent writer, and I've seen some of your other poems. The imagery is spectacular, and you've captured all the ideas you've tried to cover. My poetry certainly isn't as good as yours, but you kind of remind me of myself in a way, because I'm usually a really happy person, but I write when I'm down. Keep it up; I want to read more!
haha! nah, i'm usually not that depressed - i just write more poetry when i'm sad, so most of them aren't that... happy.
and you're right - in a way, i was trying to portray the museum - the echoing silence and the gloomy and overly-large exhibit-like cabinets and doors were ment to convey this image.
and i didn't notice that, but that line with the machines does have too many syllables.
thanks guys for your great comments! i'll be sure to check out your poetry in the future! :D
and you're right - in a way, i was trying to portray the museum - the echoing silence and the gloomy and overly-large exhibit-like cabinets and doors were ment to convey this image.
and i didn't notice that, but that line with the machines does have too many syllables.
thanks guys for your great comments! i'll be sure to check out your poetry in the future! :D
Joanna said...
on Jun. 25 2009 at 1:19 am
Oh dear. This is a lovely poem technically, but so sad. Oh so sad.
I do not agree with KICK3593. I believe that you captured the feeling perfectly in this poem. The character may hold little integrity, and this may seem stark and museum-like, but when one is depressed or lonely, everything is sterile and numb -- the proverbial "grey room".
The only thing I'd suggest is that the line "The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines" seems a wee bit bulky and out of place. Also, for God's sake, cheer up man!
I do not agree with KICK3593. I believe that you captured the feeling perfectly in this poem. The character may hold little integrity, and this may seem stark and museum-like, but when one is depressed or lonely, everything is sterile and numb -- the proverbial "grey room".
The only thing I'd suggest is that the line "The melancholy, yet melodious beeping of the machines" seems a wee bit bulky and out of place. Also, for God's sake, cheer up man!
hullothere GOLD said...
on Jun. 20 2009 at 9:18 pm
This poem really captivates the reader and describes the feeling exactly. I love your writing and hope you stick with it!
SilverDawn GOLD said...
on Jun. 20 2009 at 4:56 pm
i agree with what soembody else said - the personification is great! you make the whole kitchen seem lonely and that's an interesting thing to think about. nice work (:
Reminds me of my poem- TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73908/Alone/. They're different but same- take a lookie. And yours is more short and sweet. I think the best poems are short- but sometimes long ones work too. Good job :)
I know what you mean. I don't have many friends and I write and read to get away. I feel the same as SamathaS.
Here's a good hint on how to write things you like. Write about what you like, be inspired. Write about what you feel, whether happy, mad, sad, demure, things like that. Write about the things that are happening around you and what you think about them...Wow! I sound like Dr. Suess! But I mean it. That's what I do. Others may not like them, bot oh well. That's thier problem.
Here's a good hint on how to write things you like. Write about what you like, be inspired. Write about what you feel, whether happy, mad, sad, demure, things like that. Write about the things that are happening around you and what you think about them...Wow! I sound like Dr. Suess! But I mean it. That's what I do. Others may not like them, bot oh well. That's thier problem.
I don't see how the character is hypocritical. The narrator is only sitting in a room - as you mentioned, there's no dialogue for the character to say something and then do something else. Furthermore, nothing in this poem relates to moral standards, high or otherwise.
I'm also not really sure where a hamster comes into play. I was using details in the poem to give off a sense of melancholiness. I have the narrator sitting in a quiet kitchen, alone, staring off into space and thinking. This particular poem wasn't as much about the character's sadness, but instead developed the idea of a kitchen as a representative of this emotion.
I'm also not really sure where a hamster comes into play. I was using details in the poem to give off a sense of melancholiness. I have the narrator sitting in a quiet kitchen, alone, staring off into space and thinking. This particular poem wasn't as much about the character's sadness, but instead developed the idea of a kitchen as a representative of this emotion.
I think I wrote a poem like this, but it's about a museum.
This is an intensely mystified character. There is no revelation, no movement, just the stolidity of the two characters, the narrator and the kitchen. What a hypocrite this child is. It sees not yet the cycle he goes through. It might as well be a hamster. And there's the problem... The character holds very little integrity.
This is an intensely mystified character. There is no revelation, no movement, just the stolidity of the two characters, the narrator and the kitchen. What a hypocrite this child is. It sees not yet the cycle he goes through. It might as well be a hamster. And there's the problem... The character holds very little integrity.
SagaLiSela PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 29 2009 at 11:55 pm
This is a lovely piece. It adds gloom and sorrow to a place that is often thought of as a cheerful and lively place. Amazing.
(You also have a great taste in literature. =D)
(You also have a great taste in literature. =D)
Thanks guys - your comments mean so much to me! :D
I actually wrote this poem as part of a CTY writing online course, and was told to sit in a kitchen and describe the sounds, tastes, feelings, etc. felt sitting there. We then created a poem out of it, and this was the outcome of my late nights spent in my kitchen.
Some of the lines, though, I didn't actually hear, but added becaue they fit with the image.
I actually wrote this poem as part of a CTY writing online course, and was told to sit in a kitchen and describe the sounds, tastes, feelings, etc. felt sitting there. We then created a poem out of it, and this was the outcome of my late nights spent in my kitchen.
Some of the lines, though, I didn't actually hear, but added becaue they fit with the image.
brigeisfalling GOLD said...
on Apr. 27 2009 at 10:20 pm
My goodness! Your poems are so fantastic. I can relate to the feeling of being alone. I too write during fits of anger and passion and whateveer other feeling I get. Some of my poems tend to be that way but WOW you are such a great writer!
krazykristen521 GOLD said...
on Apr. 27 2009 at 10:17 pm
I think this is well written. I really liked the feeling it left you with. It was truly a pleasure to read.
Kathleen E. said...
on Apr. 24 2009 at 1:16 am
I like the first stanza, the "back upon its back/,my arms resting on its arms." I thought it was unique and powerful. Well done.
Green_Eyed_Irish PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 23 2009 at 10:56 pm
To me, this is brilliant. The simple subject of a kitchen, interwoven with the deep emotion of melancholy is brilliance! This poem speaks to everyone and anyone who has ever been alone in a very plain yet eloquent manner. Well done :)
(Thanks for the comment. Yes, I wrote "Numbers" in a fit of rage. Lol...)
(Thanks for the comment. Yes, I wrote "Numbers" in a fit of rage. Lol...)
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