Remembering

I don't want to remember but there's nothing to do my mind takes over making me too. I remember all the pain, all the crying, and all the darkness. Surrounding me with torture, my stomach tightens; my heart accelerates, breathing slower, being time warped in something of my own making, of course not wanting to believe, hoping for the best, wanting for the change, still putting up a fight, fake smiles everyday, wanting to find out who I really am. Remembering all the lies, all those times, and all of my hopes and dreams being crushed.