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The avian cloaked with a deep dark shade
of darkness, which was sure to spark fright,
had unexpectedly made the decision of flight
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

 

The sight of the light through the tree branches made
the bird spread its wings with intention so bright,
as well as willpower unknown much stronger than might,
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

 

Overcome with mysterious urge that had swayed
the estranged bird to take off into the sky not alight
without a shred of illumination except dim lit moonlight
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

 

On its mind, the unknown destination had weighed
but the bird kept its path without a question so slight,
and seemed to have been endowed with such great delight
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

 

Over thick wooded forest and green, barren glade
the demand of subconscious had been quite forthright
while the bird set forth on its airborne plight
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

 

A seeming game, the bird's brain played
as the journey was not based solely on sight,
but unrivaled, strong urges that that felt just right
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.

It flew on and on without any foresight
to the destination that called so forcefully outright
for the bird and itself to at once unite
after the tireless journey that the light did incite.
It flew on and on through the dark sky despite
the fact that it had no idea what had caused the ignite
of the flames that fueled his persistent fight
to avoid hesitation and state of contrite
as the bird flew above and toward the moonlight,
barricading the view from all at midnight
in a manner that seemed so nonchalant and polite
as the moon's radiant glow became ever finite
until it disappeared from any and all's eyesight
and the bird's endless flight became a devout rite.
the moon its fair maiden and it, the knight,
the bird forever engages on its eternal flight
on a somber, quiet and uninhabited night.




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hwoodruff98This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 7:23 pm
I really liked this poem. It's nicely written, and your language is very rich and colorful. You also set a very definite mood, and I like the Latin title. That being said, I think the rhyme scheme is a bit of a constraint for you, because there were some forced rhymes and awkward wordings like "made the decision of flight" and "with intention so bright." That being said, you did manage to use different, more colorful words in your rhymes, which was good. Just some mechanical things: -On line 1... (more »)
 
Patrick82432This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 7:57 pm
Thank you very much for the feedback, I'll get to revising it once I have time to go through it! I appreciate it!
 
manasisomanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 4 at 9:42 pm
This is really good. Keep up the great work!
 
Patrick82432This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 4 at 11:58 pm
Thank you! I definitely will, as should you!
 
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