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I Don't Understand

There was a time when I most definitely didn’t believe in love. No, I’ve never had my heart broken, and I was never afraid. Though reminiscing those times, considering how I kept my distance with anyone, I maybe could have been afraid. As stupid as any of this could look and sound, I have to write it. Maybe this is for a while and maybe I’ll read my thoughts again someday and cry because it doesn’t make sense. But I like the way I think and how my mind narrates my life. I’ve always lived for moments and that’s why I write. That’s why I keep a journal to document important memories and write specific smells, sights, and details about a moment I want to remember forever. That’s why I write about him. I was once six years old drawing and dreaming for a blonde-hair and blue-eyed price to pick me up, ride away to his castle, and live the fairytale fantasy. Soon I was sixteen and disinterested in looking for anyone but myself. But then I turned seventeen and my world was involuntarily flipped into a movie. I hadn’t had anyone give me comfort and courage to let myself give someone a chance. Comfort and courage I did not know I was lacking. Is that why he is so special? Other than the way he can make me feel just by a glance or a touch. I don’t understand. But at seventeen I did get a fairytale, I did get a fantasy. He is an Autumn eyed prince with dark brown hair. And yes, we ride off into sunsets and watch stars fall from the sky. We ride away to his castle to watch movies until morning, and we talk until we run out of words. But no, I wasn’t wishing or drawing or dreaming for any of this. I broke a promise and I committed a crime. I fell in love. And no matter what happens now, even the mention of his name be something to smile about. I don’t understand. How could another human being be capable of tearing down walls that they can’t even see. Is any of this even real? I’ve only known his existence for less than a year, though I swear to you we have been friends for over five. I do not believe in coincidences although sometimes there might be an occasional one. But with people and places? Most certainly not. Call it what you want, but some things are supposed to happen. Whether they’re permanent or temporary, they’re gifts or lessons. And why do I love him? I ask myself that a lot and honestly there isn’t a single reason but there’s also a billion. The touch from is lips is the definition of consciousness and I swear his eyes hold sunrays. I don’t understand. He’s just a simple guy. He drives his car like others do. He talks and breathes the same way others do. He eats food like everyone else. But he makes me smile like nobody else. He is like nobody else. I guess the simple truth is that the most ordinary things, can also be the most extraordinary. And he, is most certainly one.

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