There is no such thing as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy
And at age two this was certainly scary
Others thought they could fool me
But I knew there was neither he nor she

There is no such thing as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy
The hand that crept under my pillow was hairy
And the guy on the phone was Uncle Jack
How could they think I would believe that

There is no such thing as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy
Did they really think my head was that airy
Each Christmas celebration and each loss of a tooth
Proved to be a time when I knew the truth

My friends were all childish to say the least
It took them forever to have their knowledge increased
I waited patiently with my mouth buttoned shut
To show that I was most positively not a nut

The years went by like a hot summer's day
I continued to practice endurance by refraining to say
There is no such thing as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy
The secret reality that I tried so hard to bury

Keeping it in was no easy task
Especially when my friends began to ask
I was like an adult with all of my wisdom
But with all the waiting I was full of tedium

Then suddenly the word got out
Causing many kids to begin to doubt
The fantasy that they once believed
Was definitely not as they had perceived

By the fifth grade I was not unique
If one did not know he was called a geek
Everyone knew, even Bob and Mary
There is no such thing as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy