With the way you and me collide I've learned to stop myself
At the moment of breaking free
slip back into the cocoon of innocent me and
sleep away the discord that screeches in my ears like
the squeal of fifteen violins played by amateurs
in the room next door--
far enough away that i can distract myself day to day
but near enough that i can never forget the way you've smiled
or said something that made me glow for a day.

With the way my heart pounds every time i look around
i've learned to bury my head beneath the hood of my hoodie
even on warm days when i'm not wearing it--
bury myself deep in a half-sleep so i'm never fully functioning
like a computer left on too long, i buzz at commotion,
react slowly and freeze up under simple commands
that everyone around seems to be able to follow perfectly.

With the way my heart burns i've learned to pretend i don't have one
laugh off the affections of the naive and kind-hearted
boys who seem to only long for a kind accepting word--
kind words enough i pour out but they're empty of truth,
because in truth i want to kick them,
slam doors and punch my fist through windows,
shatter every bone that has ever helped utter an "i like you"
or an "i love you" or any other phrase that means
someone holds affection for me.