For those of you who want to be invisible
I have been where you want to be
I have sat alone at the lunch table quietly everyday
I have walked down the halls where people whisper behind your back and pretend as though you cannot hear
I have a blurred memory of months of my life because each day was the same
Putting on the tough girl act because your existence meant nothing
I have sat in a class full of kids I've known since kindergarden where they all ignore me and wish to rid of me
I talk fast because if anyone actually listens I wanted them to hear as much as possible
I am loud because at some point they will not be able to ignore me
And you are so desperate for attention you fall for anyone who compliments you
They tell you that you're pretty, that you’re great, that you're special, and they love you
But no give comes without take
And they takes bits that once made up who you use to be
You know you're only there because you want to prove that you're not the bad person they tell you you are and that and the guilt you feel for victimizing them
But you are the victim not them
And then you go home where your safe haven is
But there the judgment is worse
You are compared the the broken mirrors that hang from the tree
You are designed and programmed so that you never break
And every little skreatch is treated as though it were giant crack
You must never become like the shattered glass that you once admired
No one wants to see themselves through broken glass
But there is no escaping because there are standards
The expectations are either met or you fail
And I failed every time
Good enough is nonexistent
No matter how hard I tried there was always a but
Congrats but
Were so proud of you but
And you dare not speak out because you will be punished for back talking or laughed at because what comes out of your mouth makes no sense
And you leave blue stains on your pillow in the middle of the night
Alone
All you have are stuffed pieces of cloth of your once childhood innocence
They are the only ones who are there for you
They listen to you
They know you are not what anyone else says you are
And they’re always there.