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my mommy

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i watch you sruggle everyday it brings sadness to my heart just to take care of your family thats why youre number one in my heart i cant describe how i feel but my mama my love and grattuide you give all the time and all i do is take but i love you with all of my heart thats why it beats at a fast rate to the people that read this yes this poem is true just think about your special mom and how much she means to you i could have wrote about anything but shes the number one in my heart my life hasnt ending yet but my mother is where it starts what iam trying to say is that i love you mama youre the number one part in my life when i comes down to you i dont have to think twice without you mommy my whole life would restart so i want to let you know i love you and youre number one in my heart



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gdancer said...
Jan. 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm
dats so sad dats why we have to hold on to everyday !!!!
 
Becca H. said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 9:22 am
This is such a great poem!! It has so much potential! But with no line breaks or stanzas or punctuation, this poem lost my attention.... It can be so much better after you do a little editing. Pumped when you finish:) !!!
 
PrettiieBeautiie said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Aww Too Cutee' Your moms a strong women 
 
misunderstood11 said...
Oct. 9, 2010 at 3:18 pm
i really enjoy this because my mom means everything to me
 
PlasicSmileElizabeth said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 4:13 am
What I regret the most is that I never showed my mother how much I loved her. So she went to bed that night not knowing if I loved her, and never woke up..
 
LilStinka replied...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 10:26 am
I'm sure she knew you loved her. I'm sorry about what happened though :(
 
jerdair replied...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 3:39 pm
that is so sad and your mother knew you loved her and thanks so much for the comment
 
Jesusfollower said...
Aug. 12, 2010 at 11:05 pm
This was wonderful. Minus the grammer and structure. lol But I understand... I don't say thankyou to my mom enough and I have searched for the poem I could show my mom to let her know how much I love her. Thank you for sharing this with me and the world.
 
BMMSMW said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 7:58 am
i like this poem, it makes me think of my cousin when she was having her baby, he is to cute! his name is Jackson!!!<3 :)
 
BMMSThe gentleman said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 7:58 am
my mom does the same for me like you said in the 1rst pharagraph
 
Real17252 said...
Nov. 7, 2009 at 9:01 pm
i love this piece
 
Jessica R. said...
May 5, 2009 at 1:51 pm
aww...thats really sweet and i know your mother loves you too :-)
 
jennnnnnn This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2009 at 2:17 am
this is sweet :)

but i think using some structure/spacing would really help and would make your poem a lottt better.

return the favor ? thanks!
 
pinkvolleyballgirl said...
May 3, 2009 at 2:39 am
This is really sweet, but as for structure, it's lacking. Check out some other forms of poetry for guidance. If you are going to use paragraph form, then add punctuation. I would suggest adding lines or stanzas to create flow and an easier read. But you have a great start and an awesome topic to work with:]
 
cross-i'd-leopard said...
Apr. 19, 2009 at 2:29 am
That was so sweet, I love my mother passionatly like you do. Try and maybe make it more in poetic form with some more lyrical qualities...
 
climbergirl said...
Apr. 10, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Jerdair, those were lovely thoguths and sentiments and I'm glad you feel sucha strong bond between your mother, but as for as the poetic devices go, it needs some work.

Maybe you should read a few model poems, try a few different styles, experiment with line breaks, capitalization, punctuation, and metaphors, and clean the grammar up a tad. Just work on the poetic devices and grammar, and keep the sweet thoughts, and you have a great poem!
 
EdytD said...
Apr. 8, 2009 at 12:59 am
i think it could be great, but since it's put in a paragrph, i skip over parts and each line doesn't leave as much emphasis as it could. it's sweet, but a little repetitive.

to xXTearsxOfxLunaXx, if you're looking for a sad poem (and definitely a poem), you could look at this one: TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/91407/A-Lonely-Rain/. it's the one i wrote...

jerdair, you're welcome to look at it 2 of course, but it's a very different style ... (more »)
 
Lily B. said...
Mar. 29, 2009 at 2:20 am
This was not poetry. It was a paragraph about mothers. Not that bad, but kind of a let-down since I was looking for poetry. Plus, I don't really like my mother...
 
jerdair replied...
Jan. 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm
thank you for your comment but apparently you could not read because this is poetry and if you dont like your mom why read this ?
 
Lilly said...
Mar. 23, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I really like ur proem. ur right lovely girl moms are under appreciated!!!
 
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