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The World That I Want

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No peace, no smile, no laughter, no freedom
All good things goodbye
That's what you did
That's what you did

When my hopes were high
The world was on cloud nine
You pulled it behind
Where was your mind
You were not kind

But now that I've come
The world I'll make
Will be as beautiful as
A birthday cake

Everything would be real
Nothing would be fake
Lots of smiles
People would give and take

All moments we would cherish
Nothing would be sad
All good things would come true
Even the dreams which we had

The world I will make
Would have beggars none
No caste, no religion
We all would be one

We will make it together you and I
Where no one would be taunted
That's the world
I've always wanted



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TheCometThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 28 at 6:58 am
Yeah that's the world of everybody's dreams! I like it ^_^ You kinda made it so clear and true that you created pictures and let me see and feel what you felt. Great work
 
Itsme24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 28 at 7:27 am
Thanks a lot :)
 
Thanks4theTradgedyIneedIt4myArtThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 1 at 3:02 pm
I liked this poem (: It shone an innocence  that is hard to show. By saying "Innocence" I mean, it was so clear- no confusion, no anguish, just a simple little thought that most of the world lacks. I enjoyed reading the poem and keep up the good work! Oh, and nice job on your flow of the poem, not too choppy. (: I know that I have a really hard time trying to make my poems flow but you did exellent (:  Happy writing!
 
Itsme24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 1 at 11:12 pm
Thank you very much. I'm glad you like it :)
 
Thanks4theTradgedyIneedIt4myArtThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 2 at 3:42 pm
You're welcome! (:
 
Sandip said...
May 21 at 7:25 am
this is kinda,,I dont know from one perspective I liked it,,but there are some flaws 
 
Katgirl said...
May 19 at 4:59 pm
A little choppy, DOn't really like it maybe it's too cliche? I don't know work more on flowiness maybe. 
 
Luv4EverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 18 at 10:18 am
I REALLY love stanzas 1,6, &7 however i feel you would benefit from improving the rhythm in the others
 
BloodyMary said...
May 18 at 2:56 am
Hey, I like this poem. I love how straightforward and clear the message is. I see nothing wrong with this poem but this can be improved by being 'assertive' using different word choices. In this way you will reach out to the readers' hearts and they will feel your emotions. 
 
Itsme24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 18 at 4:46 am
Thanks for the suggestion...I'll definitely follow it in my next poem :)
 
AuthorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 18 at 8:25 am
The poem is developed on good reasoning, which is what I liked in this poem, especially. I can understand the world that was, and the world you want, so, I can differentiate between the two. And, the sixth stanza was the best! You certainly are a great poet!
 
Itsme24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 18 at 8:47 am
Thank you soooo much ;)
 
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