Immortalized Beauty

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She stands alone, but also among all.
Her figure is sleek, graceful, and tall.
She’s immortalized in stone to catch her beauty,
But continues her enchantment as it is her duty.

She is always smiling as she is set in stone.
Her manner is a light and silly tone.
Her arms lean back; she is ready to dance;
Wherever you place her is her expanse.

However, she knows when you try to see her;
And she laughs prettily at your movements so queer.
She is well- aware of how much you try,
But she never reveals herself to the human eye.

I think she believes we are not ready for her presence.
A figure which releases a matchless essence
We are not worthy to experience this creature;
So she has taken stone as her feature.

She dances quietly when you’re not around;
Light feet on stone make not a sound.
Then she’ll leap off her perch and continue her ways,
Fluttering, leaping, and spinning with sashays.

At the end, she’ll return to her previous position;
Since her performance has come to fruition.
And there you’ll be, taking a glance,
But she will never let you get the chance.





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SpeakerOfTheDead This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 25, 2013 at 5:35 pm
I read through this a few times. It has a steady flow While personally I can not connect it is good. The description of dance and movement is well done. Normally it is hard to do. So overall good job!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 25, 2013 at 6:09 pm
Thank You!
 
Krasota-Butterflies-and-Angels This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Hey! I am so sorry that I haven't responded to this sooner; I have three college classes and several clubs that I am currently doing, so I had to put Teenink to the side for the last couple of months (being a junior is stressful). Not only is the figure (I'm picturing this stone masterpiece as a ballerina) graceful, but the poem is as well. I think there are certain portions of this piece that lack fluidity/rhythm, but overall this is an excellent draft; it needs very little reworking to... (more »)
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Thank you and yes, she is a ballerina! I intend to edit this at some point soon too. Thanks for the feedback!
 
Netnel said...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:02 am
I love this poem. I especially love the contrast in it.
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 12:11 pm
Thank You!
 
RainyMood This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 1:01 am
4/5 This is really beautiful piece, I cant personally connect to it but you did a great job conveying the overall feeling of this poem. I give 4/5 because I felt some of the rhymes were kind of...awkward (you know what I mean) and outta place. Other than that I loved it...
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 12:10 pm
Thanks. I'm going to be honest.. I came up with this on the fly and I just thought I should just send it in. Otherwise, it would sit on my computer and just stay there... I'll have to review it for those awkward lines, but thanks for the feedback! 
 
holly1999 said...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 5:40 pm
Beautiful poem! The description of the dancer and her attitude is great. It flows perfectly and the rhymes work well. It's really good!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Thank You!
 
jazzwarrior said...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 12:25 am
Very beautiful poem! Such a beautiful thing, dance. And to combine dance and poetry is so exulted. Thank you for writing this poem.
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Thank you and you're welcome!
 
Nannette_25 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 11, 2013 at 9:55 pm
First, your imagery is fabulous. Love the image I get of the dancer. Second, I adore how you describe her attitude. It's a short poem yet I learned so much about her, yet I still want to know more. Why is she hiding her talent? It's the perfect amount of give and take. Love it!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 12, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Thank You!
 
awesomeyyy said...
Oct. 1, 2013 at 8:39 pm
Very interesting concept!  The rhymes work very well, and the description of the dancer and her thoughts are great!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 2, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Thank You!
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 28, 2013 at 8:46 am
This is really good! It flows perfectly, smooth and effortless, and the idea is very whimsical. It's interesting to think that statues live their own lives while we aren't watching, and don't think us worthy of seeing them; and the way you described her through poetry also, in my mind, made perfect sense, seeing as that she was - I think - a dancer (?) It is a very good poem!!!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 28, 2013 at 9:40 am
Thank you and yes, she is a dancer! Thanks for reading!
 
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