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Dream

June 27, 2013
By chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
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chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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Night after night,
Every time I fall asleep,
I dream, waves of dreams upon endless dreams,
The sights I see are of people wandering by me,
Their eyes slightly peeking but their mouths seldom speaking,
They wander but only now do I begin to ponder,
What becomes of them when I wake?
Rowing gently on the silken lake,
Oars dip as does our ship but only rocking, never stopping,
Wood creaking should our ship be leaking we could go on weeping,
But our eyes are swollen from long lies
And many a stolen hearts beat by the marching of forgotten woes,
Our boat floats merrily down with the flow,
The tide is low, but a sound ever does slightly grow,
Our heads up go, from where comes this roar?
We crawl to the edge and see beyond: a ledge,
A God among ledges, a king among edges, from this rocky fall we are doomed to soar,
To the oars we sprawl, we grunt alone, trying to win but we won’t,
Survive the fall down the cliff, swiftly down the roaring waterfall,
This crash won’t be my last as the dawn is far still but nigh and the night is barely done,
For now I go back, sound asleep,
Into quiet darkness deep,
Back to that lake where it all began,
Doomed to fall over and over again

© Steve S., Marblehead, MA

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This article has 29 comments.

chronosun BRONZE said...
on Jan. 6 2014 at 11:53 pm
chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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I am grateful for your comment. Thank you for reading and I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Shade3043 DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 24 2013 at 2:17 am
Shade3043 DIAMOND, Shade3043 Did This, In Case Of Anonymous, Other
87 articles 0 photos 168 comments

Favorite Quote:
When I was a boy, I would always hear scary things in the news and my mother would say to me, "Always look for the helpers. Everywhere you look you will always find people helping." - Fred Rogers

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Well, congrats. This poem will be one of the few poems I give a 5/5. Incredible. I see no flaws in the poem. Incredible imagery, great wording, er....decent rhythm. Definitely one of the best poems I have read on this site. Deserving of the 5/5. Keep it up. :D
lackadaisicalwolf said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 8:34 pm
lackadaisicalwolf, Asdf, Other
0 articles 0 photos 28 comments
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I love the image this paints :) very creative, keep writing!
Courtster103 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 4:57 pm
Courtster103 BRONZE, Walla Walla, Washington
1 article 23 photos 28 comments
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It's beautiful <3
Zach_M BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2013 at 1:55 pm
Zach_M BRONZE, Andersonville, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 30 comments
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This is a very interesting poem.  You're analogies are very strong and powerful, but the structure of your poem was rather confusing; i guess you had uneeded words, but that's an easy fix, but you did a great job.
MMOON PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 11 2013 at 10:49 pm
MMOON PLATINUM, Bellingham, Washington
26 articles 1 photo 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sop being afriad of what could go wrong. Start being positive about what could go right"
I also have another "Loving someone is like hugging a cactus. The harder you hold the more it hurts"

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WOW!! this is a very strong poem. i very much enjoyed it. keep writing!  
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 11 2013 at 7:17 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

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Hey there! So, I always try to write poems about dreams but I seriously struggle with them, I just don't feel like I truly capture what I am trying to say. But, I think you did a great job! I like the length to it and the vivid descriptions. I enjoyed the ending as well.. good job!
hannnah_turtle said...
on Jul. 11 2013 at 2:43 pm
hannnah_turtle, Old Orchard Beach, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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this is really really good! keep up the good work! c:
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 8 2013 at 6:51 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

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This is great!!! Awesome job. Keep rockin and writing chrono :)
chronosun BRONZE said...
on Jul. 2 2013 at 6:34 pm
chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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Thank you necci. More is on the way!
chronosun BRONZE said...
on Jul. 2 2013 at 6:33 pm
chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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Thank you!
Nintendude said...
on Jul. 2 2013 at 6:28 pm
This is really nice. I enjoyed it very much.
necci SILVER said...
on Jun. 30 2013 at 11:05 pm
necci SILVER, Denver, Colorado
8 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
-Women are many things to humans, but the one thing they are not is dominated by men.
-If a single act of hate can do so much damage, what can a single act of kindness do?

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That was a very interesting poem, i eapecially liked that question as to where our dreams go when we are awake, and the detailed experiance after the question was very well written, i hope to read more of your work when they are published
chronosun BRONZE said...
on Jun. 30 2013 at 9:25 pm
chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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To answer your question about switching in the middle, yes, it was deliberate. It is in the nature of dreams to switch sporadically. As for the lack of punctuation-punctuation ends a thought, completes it. I'm glad you caught that sneaky detail. Thank you for speaking your mind! I hope you enjoyed the poem. There are many more to come. 
Kit-Kait BRONZE said...
on Jun. 30 2013 at 8:12 pm
Kit-Kait BRONZE, Amherst, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 54 comments
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I found this to be a strange, bewildering poem... If someone truly imagined, you could hear the rush of the river, the roar of the waterfall, the feeling that frightened you the most upon your skin... The only thing(s) I really have to comment on are: Was it deliberate, the way you switched the subject from people to the boat? I found it a bit confusing, but I was able to keep focus and find the topic. And, I think it's just your style, but I'm not used to seeing long poem likes with commas to keep going; I usually see a comma at the end, and that's it. And, at the end, did you mean to leave out a punctuation mark? Some poems don't always end with a period or a question mark or such, but I find it quite weird, and I wish to comment on it... Other than that, I love it. I love the vocabulary, the imagery, and the sensory language; it brought a strange, but original flavour to the piece. Please keep writing, because this was splendid. As for the name of this piece... it draws me in, because, I have to admit, I am quite focused on dreams and such... Any who, I can't decide upon four or five stars; I suppose it depends upon your response, and if your style is just different than what I have seen. Good job.
BlazeRayn BRONZE said...
on Jun. 30 2013 at 7:27 pm
BlazeRayn BRONZE, Sacramento, California
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours to keep."
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing left to do."
"When the world says Give Up, Faith says Try it One More Time."

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Very beautiful, i could picture the scene perfectly. it flowed well and i love the content/topic. KEEP WRITING.
Lespri BRONZE said...
on Jun. 30 2013 at 6:45 pm
Lespri BRONZE, Atlanta, Georgia
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only person to lean back on is yourself."



- Lespri Rosalie Mitchells

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This is a very beautiful poem
KatieP33 said...
on Jun. 29 2013 at 9:25 pm
KatieP33, Coruscant, Arizona
0 articles 5 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
feet :)

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Aw really? That's so neato! :) you are a very smart bean :3
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 28 2013 at 7:08 pm
BalladOfMonaLisa PLATINUM, Na, Other
24 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love and to be loved; to hurt and to be hurt. These are the ideals that make up humanity. ~Me (Lisa)

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Anytime (: I loved it
chronosun BRONZE said...
on Jun. 28 2013 at 5:23 pm
chronosun BRONZE, Movingsomewherenew, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
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I am glad you liked it Vartika.