Phoenix Fire

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The rivers ran red with the blood of the past
As the sun set on the broken day which would be my last
As I looked back onto the desolate field one more time
I felt the cold shivers run up and down my spine

I bent down to feel the cool grass
Each blade heavy with the time that had passed
I can't escape what has happened in this place
I can't bear to look into that questioning face

As I walk the field, I feel the weight
With each painful breeze I fear I will suffocate
How can I come to terms with this pain?
Face all those that I have cut down and slain?

I reach the first victim and his sullen eyes
I bend down and ask him one question: "Why?"
"Love is the reason," he said to me with his raspy breath
"I love you all the more," he said as he slipped into death

I approach the second victim with his body so pale
And ask him why he had endured this ail
He told me he knew of a place greater than this
And that every second I had been blind enough to miss

As I took in his sorry state I felt something stir
Something inside I had never felt before
It was a warm feeling, not unlike a sublime summer night
But it was gone quickly, I couldn't help but smite

I moved on, as the sun was setting
The gold rays across the sky were jetting
I looked into them and saw the reflections of time
And I couldn't help but repine.

As I came upon the third victim, I saw his mangled state
I vomit as I realize I am the one that caused his fate
His body torn, his being less than even the most lowly
I started to realize my terrible deed, albeit slowly

As I gazed into his face, I saw only sorrow
Not for himself, but for me and my burden tomorrow
A slow grin crossed his face; he motioned for me to get near
And this was all that I was to hear:

"You have done a terrible deed this very day,
Caused many to return to the earth and decay
How many lives you destroyed cannot be numbered
While you and your rage stormed and thundered.

"Know the truth of what I will speak
And do not think I will be meek.
For all the pain and torment you have caused
The struggle you created for yourself never paused.

"All this time you searched because you were lost
Your emotions and psyche up in the air and tossed
You knew not what you tried to find
So you moved to kill to pass the time

"I tell you now what you sought
When all you did was fought
And understand that I do not blame you
For all you did was what's natural when feeling blue

"What you looked for was love
But all you did was push and shove
You took down me in your anger
Even though I was a mere stranger

"But I want you to know one that I love you
If no one else will stop and feel for your life askew
Be at peace my child, the choice is now yours
For now I sail through those golden doors."

I saw him die, saw his body fall to the ground
Saw all life drain out of him, his eyes no longer round
I fell to the dirt, not knowing what to do
This Saint had told me all I already knew

Then the tears came, wet, warm, and free
I was sorry, for everything I forced myself to be
I wallowed in grief, my sadness turning to rage
Why had I locked myself in my own cage?!

But this Saint had shown me the way
And now I am not afraid of the things he had to say
He showed me what I needed most
That fleeting love that acted as a passing ghost

And then it all changed

Things around me I saw in a new way
My angst melted and joy replaced it, as night turned to day
I was finally able to blossom, to free my soul
Finally able to pursue my goals

As I looked back on the broken field of my past, the grief comes again
And I cannot express the remorse I have for all those sins
I ask only that you hold me in your hand as you decide
What my punishment is for all those that have died

And as I float away
I look back on my last day
I found something I hadn't grasped my entire life
A simple human hand, instead of a knife.





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