I Wish I Could have...

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I wish I could have made you see


All the times I hid from you.
I wish I could have made you see


All the times I shoved my face into the carpeting of my closet in silent


frustration.
I wish I could have made you see


All the times I shook my head behind your back at what you rambled


on about.
I wish I could have made you see


All the scars on my arms that where imprinted because of you.
I wish I could have made you see


All the times I didn’t smile.
I wish I could have made you see


All the times I didn’t need what you taught me.

I wish I could have made you feel


All the sadness and frustration I felt every time I saw you.
I wish I could have made you feel


All the humiliation of having you as a father.
I wish I could have made you feel


All the sharp red stings on my check from every punch you through at

me.
I wish I could have made you feel


All the emotions of never doing anything right or never being good


enough.
I wish I could have made you feel


All the numbness of having a thick red river running in thin lines


down your arms, mixed with tears and hate.
I wish I could have made you feel


All the disappointment of knowing no matter how hard I tried, I


would
never live up to be anywhere near the son you wish you had.

I wish I could have made you hear


All the screams I contained in my head and in my heart.
I wish I could have made you hear


All the thoughts I wanted to verbalize to you but was never brave `


enough.
I wish I could have made you hear


All your screaming and yelling through pouring tears and running


thoughts.
I wish I could have made you hear


All the rhetorical conversations I had in my bedroom with the



imaginary figure of a proud father.
I wish I could have made you hear


All the excuses I made when my teachers asked why I was wearing a


long-sleeved sweatshirt in June.
I wish I could have made you hear


All the prayers I made that you would change. All the prayers I took


back, in hopes I wouldn’t be like you – always wanting me to change


who I am.

So now Dad, I wish I could say


You were a good father.
So now Dad, I wish I could say


I’m sorry I said the things I did and said.
So now Dad, I wish I could say


I’m sad that you’re gone and never coming back.
So now Dad, I wish I could say


I’m crying because you’re no longer a part of my life.
So now Dad, I wish I could say


“I loved you Daddy.”









But… I can’t.





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