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Behind the Mask

Behind your happy mask I see
Happinness that cannot be
your soul was shattered
Your feelings tattered
And you'll never be the same again

Your heart cries out to be heard
But only I can hear a word
To protect yourself you let no one know
That your feelings are now cold as snow
But you'll never be the same again

You wish that you were uncaring
But life is just not that sparing
I see the sorrow that you feel
And i wish it was not real
But you'll never be the same again

Sadness bleeds from your eyes to the earth
And in your soul there is no mirth
I wish you happiness so that you see
All that you were meant to be
But you'll never be the same again

Behind my happy mask you'll see
Happiness that cannot be
My soul was shattered
My feelings tattered
And I'll never be the same again



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live_luv_laugh_inspireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 24, 2013 at 5:31 pm
Again, one of your strengths is definately the rhyming scheme! Still have a good rythm scheme, too. You did a good job of expressing feelings in a raw way. I can definately relate to this as I remember feeling this way at one time in my life. I also like the smilies you make, like "cold as snow," and the metaphor "sadness bleeds from your eyes;" it adds imagery to it.  
 
half.noteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 13, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Wow. I have no critiques for this one. I loved your word choice (especially the word "bleeding" to describe crying) and your use of repetition. Fantastic work!
 
coco7misty said...
Jun. 6, 2013 at 11:44 am
Wow, this is really good!
 
kikixkupkake said...
Jun. 4, 2013 at 6:57 pm
Fantastic, I honestly believe this poem is great. The rhyme scheme, AABBC is something very hard to coordinate because of the rhythm. It just doesn't always work. But this poem is a clear example of how to use this rhyme scheme. Fantastic!
 
TargonTheDragonThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 4, 2013 at 6:46 pm
yup, really good!  
 
liberalartist said...
Jun. 4, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Awesome. nice job rhyming earth and mirth, never would have tought of that :D
 
popeye40This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 22, 2013 at 7:31 pm
nice!good job!
 
Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 22, 2013 at 7:20 pm
This is really good. Keep up the good work XD
 
FireloverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 16, 2013 at 12:00 pm
thanks for you advice :) im glad you liked it
 
TopaztheArticulate said...
May 14, 2013 at 10:10 pm
I'm sorry I didn't get around to this sooner. I've just been so darn busy! Okay. So, this poem is AWESOME. So true and so...I don't know how to describe it. Evocative? Anyways, the only thing you could change: In one or two lines, the rhyme was a little strained.
 
KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 6, 2013 at 6:37 pm
Don't we always feel on a gloomy day that we're hiding behind a happy mask just so that people won't ask, "Are you okay?" I love how I can really relate to this poem, excellent work! My favorite lines are "Sadness bleeds from your eyes to the eart/And in your soul there is no mirth." Have an awesome day! :D
 
KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 6, 2013 at 6:38 pm
Oops, I meant to say "earth." Ah well, you get another comment! :D
 
FireloverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 8, 2013 at 4:40 pm
thanks :) i'm glad that you can relate to it, but sad at the same time, i wish people wouldn't have to live behind a mask, it would make life so much easier :)
 
FireloverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 4:34 pm
hey guys, please post comments, i would really like feedback, Thanks :)
 
Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 3, 2013 at 7:31 pm
And feedback is what you'll get!!! Amazing job, really! I love the repetition and the heartache is so real!!! Awesome job! Could you take a look at soem of my work too? Feedback is always graciously appreaciated! Love it! Keep rockin
 
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