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To Hold Aloft the Clouds

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It's Shoulders just like yours and mine
That hold the heavens high.
If not for folk like you and me
They'd fall out of the sky.
It's harder work than it would seem
To hold aloft the clouds,
Any lack of diligence
And soon they're drifting down.
Every person down on earth
Takes up the Titan task
And with their daily actions keep
The stars content to pass.
Joint in constant vigilance
We'll keep the stars in place,
If not, the glow-filled Milky Way
Would tumble out of space.
Atlas' honor passed to us,
Sometimes We'll doubt it's worth,
But the pride of many hearts
Will save us from Heaven on Earth.



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alex2512 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:54 am:
I thought this was good. It's not the normal style of writing I like, but your rhythm and format worked really well. One thing I would say is that the formal language, although used correctly and impressively, can make the poem a bit stiff. I would have liked to feel a bit more emotion as I think poetry should make you feel sommething. While well-written I feel this poem lacks something extra to lift it off the page. Still, I did enjoy it, and I hope you'll take my constructive criticism... (more »)
 
TheEpic95This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:25 pm :
Thank you. I am actually glad you thought it was fromal and stiff, thats what I wanted. Think about it... is keeping heaven off of Earth a thing we REALLY want to do...? "Pride...save[s] us from heaven on earth"....? :)
 
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