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I Want You

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Dear Lover,
Give me not
A thousand precious jewels
Flirty words of embellishment
Or great promises of your supposed wealth
I care not for these things
I only want what my body desires
The deep passionate press of your lips against my skin
The cold wisps of your breath down my neck
The possessive grasp of your hands upon me
The long stare that mixes our hopes, dreams, fears, and desires creating a fixture of unrelenting passion
This is all I need
This is all I crave
When you come to my door bring nothing but you
To cool my heated core




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SwanSongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 17 at 5:18 pm:
I like how simple this is yet you get the emotion across really well. I love the opening line!
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 1:59 am :
Simplicity is a virtue when it comes to my writing. Thank you for appreciating it.
 
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WriteOrWrongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 6 at 7:14 pm:
I thought the beginning had flawless flow. Maybe that flow could sustain to the end. I really like the explicit sensuality. I feel like the last two lines could be stronger. Also maybe don't just list 'hopes, dreams, fears...' This was pretty great! Good luck with your writing!
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 1:56 am :
The poem is not suppose to have a forceful stance when it comes to the words. I tend to think of it as a wish being whispered into ones ear. depending on how you read this poem it may not flow because in my mind this poem flows pretty well. But everyone has the right to disagree, thank you for your comments.
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 2:01 am :
This simple list was put there on purpose to emphasize that I want soemthing more than materials of the world but of the soul and as the poem ends it repeats I want as teh body of the one I love.
 
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MissExplorationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5 at 6:33 pm:
I don't know how to quite express how I felt when I read this poem. It's different from the poems I been reading on TeenInk. Great job!
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 1:53 am :
I try to keep my poems true so thank you for that. 
 
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Cutey-BeautyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5 at 4:37 am:
Mmmm...full of honest lust. But its not exactly dirty or anything-its just sensually beautiful in a way. Not like erotica (which is used mainly for turning people on)-but completely honest in the feelings of a woman for a man. LOVE IT.   My only criticism is the use of wealth which is what your lover desires to give you. I feel like you could have added smth more there-not just the word "wealth" and "jewels" maybe smth a bit more descriptive in that area? Maybe even ... (more »)
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 1:52 am :
When I worte this it was because I was confronted many times by males who thought that all I wanted was materialistic in nature so this was created in spite. Made to express that in such a realtionship all I desire from another is the physical truth ntohing more.
 
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WeLiveForOurScars said...
Apr. 10 at 4:21 pm:
Frank and full of lust - I've gotta say, this is one of my favorites of yours. 
 
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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 9 at 4:30 pm:
Wow, this is very different from what i've read so far on this site. Human passion for aggresion and lust. What more could i say? 
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 10 at 2:41 pm :
Well teen ink is about the teenage experience and who does not experience lust and passion more than anyone else? Us of coarse. Thank you for understanding.
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 11 at 3:54 pm :
Amen to that, sister.
 
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ILuvBritishBoysThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 6 at 9:54 am:
Wow nevermnd what I said on the other poem this one is now my new favorite!! Great Job!! I love this one!! :)
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 7 at 3:01 pm :
Thank You very much. I appreciate the enthusiasm. :)
 
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Zoya_KhanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 7 at 6:26 am:
It's very nice.. I like it.. Good job!!!
 
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CammySThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:40 am:
I really liked that poem. I think that, no matter what someone says otherwise, love for someone else does feel like this, at least for a little while. Good piece!
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm :
Thank you so much
 
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WR1T3R said...
Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:18 pm:
This poem is something I can relate to. You had me feeling how much you needed that person. I really loved the flow and the visual. The line 'The cold wisps of your breath down my neck' had me actually feeling it. Really loved the message. I can't wait to read more. :-)
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm :
Thanks :) I really appreciate the comments
 
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