Teenage Girl: Shakespearitized

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Happened thee to glance upon my twitter?
Thine fair youth and I, our lips locked!
His heart beats for me, I can tell!
And beauty, thy fairest name is he.
Alas, the spirit of anger hath possessed young Britney.
Claim she,
“He be MINE.”
Me thinks the maiden’s tender flesh hath taken a wound of envy.

Translation:
Did you see my twitter?
We, like, totally hooked up.
He’s sooooo into me.
And soooooo hot.
Britney’s pissed.













She was all like,
“He’s MINE.”
She’s just jealous.

Mine chastity strip, dost showeth?
O vulgarity, thy name is thong!
Chance Matt to glance mine way?
Thine eyes eternally rest my way!
Chance him to peer now?
Said I afore,
The youth ne’er peels his eyes from me.

Translation:
Is my thong showing?
Ew, that’s like, so gross.
Did Matt see?
He’s, like, always looking at me.
Is he looking now?
Like I said,
He’s always looking at me.

Dionysus found me vulnerable evening last
All truths speak I, no fib.
Thy father and mother of mine to me say,
“Jaundice will arrest you in due course!”
Respond I,
“Of the organ that thou speak of there is no need!”
Alas, the comprehension of my heart fails thee.

Translation:
I got suuuuper smashed last night.
Like, legit, no lie.
My parents are all like,
“You’re ruining your liver!”
And I’m all,
“Livers aren’t even necessary.”
They totally don’t get me.

Happened thee to glance upon my twitter?
Thine fair youth and I, our lips locked!

Translation:
Did you see my twitter?
We, like, totally hooked up.





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