Self Destructing

January 21, 2012
By Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"


I’m trapped in an open field
And I feel but it can’t be real
I’m lost within the found
As I sore to the ground

My darkest day have come and gone
The Devil’s demons have sung their song

And just because there’s not a knife through my throat
Or a bullet in my head
And though I’m still breathing
Doesn’t mean I’m not dead

Walking on the line between eternity and obis
In a land swallowed by madness
Lives and lives drowned in lies
My hopeless existence dragging by

A day-by-day war against thoughts
My living corpses begins to rot
With neighborhood gutters forever stained red
Cries for help in silent screams are that are said

The endless torment
That crashes against my lungs
Stealing my every breath
The pain has just begun



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This article has 17 comments.


on May. 23 2012 at 1:27 pm
AngelsLullaby GOLD, Neverland, Idaho
12 articles 7 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
Music is a higher revelation from wisdom and philosophy. ~Ludwig Von Beethoven

Wow this is magazine material! So powerful and alot of teens can relate to this feeling. Definately in my favorites. Your a fantastic writer.

on May. 16 2012 at 11:08 am
SuNshiNe007 ELITE, Magee Ms., Mississippi
120 articles 0 photos 348 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never Give Up, And Know That God Will Always Love You!

Wow! Amazing! I absolutely love this one! Keep up the amazing work! I love how you wrote this one!!:D

on Apr. 9 2012 at 4:15 pm
wordbeater SILVER, Sharpsburg, Georgia
6 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
Truth is beauty and beauty truth, that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

Keats

I enjoy your interesting rhyming patterns. The only advice I give you is to be careful of your spelling, because it can easily change the entire meaning of a poem. 

on Apr. 9 2012 at 4:15 pm
wordbeater SILVER, Sharpsburg, Georgia
6 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
Truth is beauty and beauty truth, that is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

Keats

I enjoy your interesting rhyming patterns. The only advice I give you is to be careful of your spelling, because it can easily change the entire meaning of a poem. 

on Mar. 11 2012 at 2:11 pm
ibadancer13 BRONZE, Urbandale, Iowa
4 articles 0 photos 16 comments
Wow this was incredible! I loved the line "I'm lost within the found"... it was extremely powerful:) I thought how you switched rhyming schemes was very unique and cool, but also a little confusing at times. Otherwise great work! I loved this!:)

on Mar. 11 2012 at 2:11 pm
ibadancer13 BRONZE, Urbandale, Iowa
4 articles 0 photos 16 comments
Wow this was incredible! I loved the line "I'm lost within the found"... it was extremely powerful:) I thought how you switched rhyming schemes was very unique and cool, but also a little confusing at times. Otherwise great work! I loved this!:)

Aginger GOLD said...
on Feb. 19 2012 at 10:51 pm
Aginger GOLD, Bingen, Washington
11 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why are you so busy trying to fit in when you were born to stand out?"

This is very deep and emotional. Pain and struggle interally is portrayed well in this piece, nice job! I would love if you could read and give feedback on my poem "Forever." Thank you, and well done!

on Feb. 18 2012 at 10:29 am
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
This is a really strong and emotional piece and I love that. At first I didn't really like how you switched from rhyming pattern to rhyming pattern but I realized that is unique to you and I never would have thought of that ;] Great job! I'd suggest looking over your first stanza. That's the only one that didn't flow to me. Maybe choose a different one to start it. Otherwise, fantastic piece; keep writing!

on Feb. 17 2012 at 8:44 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

I agree, that was my favorite line. This is a beautifuly emotional piece, and I feel like it really captures the true essance of suffering.

on Feb. 16 2012 at 11:00 pm
austenite77 GOLD, Appleton, Wisconsin
13 articles 0 photos 58 comments

Favorite Quote:
Die my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do

I agree with everyone else on their favorite stanza, I just like the flow. I wish the website didn't put it in such an odd format, but that's not your fault. I like how dark and sad this was

on Feb. 15 2012 at 11:07 pm
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

I absolutely love the the line "... And though I'm still breathing/ Doesn't mean I'm not dead." Haunting. Besides a few punctuation errors this is a very well written and thoughtful poem.

iHannahJ GOLD said...
on Feb. 15 2012 at 7:12 pm
iHannahJ GOLD, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I veiw myself on my intentions, the world veiws me on my actions."

I think that this poem is great and i loved your diction. The rhyme schyme was uinque, I though it was cool how you had rymes but not in a specific pattern. Keep writing!

on Feb. 14 2012 at 6:39 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

I like the way you make it feel like drowning sort of (at least to me). There were a few grammatical errors, but not too many, so it wasn't so bad. I liked the stanza that said, "...not a knife through my throat...doesn't mean I'm not dead." Really good thought.

on Feb. 13 2012 at 5:05 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

well thanks so much you guys it means a lot to me =)

on Feb. 13 2012 at 3:53 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1401 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

I like this:) And I agree with JustAnotherOwl. The second stanza was my favorite part too. The idea of a "day-to-day war" was good too.

on Feb. 13 2012 at 3:47 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

Yeah...It didn't let me space those lines out...sorry!

on Feb. 13 2012 at 3:46 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

This was really great! I especially loved the lines, "And just because there's not a knife through my throat Or a bullet in my head And though I'm still breathing Doesn't mean I'm not dead" Besides that, I just really liked the entire piece as a whole. I though the word choice was brilliant! (:




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