Forever

By
I lay here at night and stand there at day. Fading in and out. Wondering when, wondering how, wondering now. Asking, wondering how much longer, how much more. Watching as time ticks on by, as everything seems to be falling.

As I watch the cracks spread along the wall, along the shield, along myself and everything else. I’m thinking of a word ‘forever’ a word that means something that never ends, something that never falls, that stands there and stays as time passes by and yet everything seems to change once again. Looking back at my past, seeing that nothing ever truly last ‘forever’ for me or at least for the best for me and really for the worst.

So as I lay here at night and stand there at day. Fading in and out, watching, as things seem to be falling apart, As once again something must change and only for the worst but never really for the best. Thinking of the word ‘forever’ only being a word that means never ending, and still being there as time passes by. Being just a word and nothing more in this world for me till the day I die, other than for the worst. Wishing that it would be more than just a word or for the worst for me. Instead of just something that I can hear, read, say, sing, and everything else that you can do with a word. Other than seeing it really being anything more than just a word or for the worst.

Lying here at night and standing there at day. Fading in and out. Thinking of my past and where I’m at, who I am, what I am, what I am to others. What others think and say about me in front of me and behind my back. Being pushed around and pushed into. Only being able to push them back and away from me. Living this life everyday. Hiding the pain, hiding the sadness, hiding everything as much as I can. Trying to act like I’m fine, act like everything is all right; act like it doesn’t hurt when it truly does. Living this life, lying here at night and standing there at day. Thinking of the word ‘forever’.

Looking, searching for the good, for the light to lead me on my way, from the dark, from the pain, from the sadness, from everything. It’s all the same when it comes to the change, to the pain and everything that’s just like that, just as it is with me never being able to see the word ‘forever’ being more than just a word or for the worst for me in this world.

Lying here at night and standing there at day. Fading in and out. Wondering when, wondering how, wonder now. Asking, wondering how much longer, how much more till everything breaks, till everything’s broken, till everything is finally fallen apart, till there’s nothing left of me, till I’m so deep in the darkness, in the pain, in the sadness, in everything. Only thinking of the word ‘forever’ being nothing more than just a word or for the worst for me.

That I can’t even see the good or the light to lead me on my way, till I’m just lying here at night and standing there at day. Fading in and out. Wondering where am I, who am I, what am I, or even what am I to others anymore than what I use to be.

Than who I once was, than what I once was, where I once was in this world, in this life. Wondering this everyday and night that I live this life of mine. Lying here at night and standing there at day. Fading in and out. Wondering when, wondering how, wondering now. Asking, wondering how much longer, how much more till everything is broken, shattered; dust, destroyed, till everything is nothing anymore, till everything is broken among this world for me at least. Only thinking of a word ‘forever’ being just a word or for the worst for me and nothing more.

Fighting away at day as time passes by. When I’m not just standing there at day, but fighting to live another, to lay here another night and stand there another day, to some what find a way to show others that there is more to me than meets the eye. That one day they will see that I am not weak, that I do not hesitate as they do, as they think that I do, but they are wrong, as they always were, as they always are, till the day they can see that they are wrong, till the day I prove them wrong, till that day I will lay here at night and stand there at day. Fading in and out.

Wondering when, wondering how, wondering now. Asking, wondering how much longer, how much more can I take it before my wall, my shield, myself, my everything finally breaks. The day that breaks is the day that I shall prove them wrong, the day I lose it all is the day they will see that they are wrong about me. Wondering that all of that as I think of a word ‘forever’ only being just a word the means something that never ends, something that never falls, that stands there and stays as time passes by.

Only being just a word or for the worst for me and nothing more to me in this world, in this life, as I spend it day and night living my life for all me and no one, and nothing else in this world. Till the day that changes my point of view of a word ‘forever’ to something that shows me that it is more than just a word, that it is good for me, to me in this world, in this life, in everything.

Till that day I lay here at night and stand there at day. Fading in and out. Wondering when, wondering how, wondering now. Asking, wondering how much longer, how much more. Thinking of a word ‘forever’ being nothing more to me than just a word or for the worst but never really for the best.





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