And I'm Not Going to Pretend

April 15, 2008
By Tara McGowan-Ross, Cannington, ZZ

And I’m not going to pretend like I’m not jealous
like I don’t wish your love
wasn’t so strong, wasn’t so true
Wasn’t a million times what I feel for you
It’s love that radiates from the pixels on my screen
As I click helplessly through photograph
Upon relentlessly blissful photograph
Of the two of you

And I think of that day
With the unyielding summer sun at my back
The day I glimpsed what you and I might feel
And I jumped at the fleeting chance
Before I slipped off this continent into
A paradise that was missing the lights in your eyes

And the song in your voice
Was nowhere to be found in the language
Of lovers and poets and artists
That shaped the world neither of us understand

Could we have been?
Those unblemished, hollow days
That I wished you were with me
That I wished we had time
Time to become
Time to belong
Time for my own selfish agenda
To be fulfilled in the sweetness of your stare
And the softness of your lips
And everything I’ve glimpsed and lost
In between the swell and crest of each of your lovers

Each longing that breaks the seas
Of my ever-contented loneliness
With waves of faces and voices
But you’re the wind
That drives them
Drives the mountains of everlasting blue

And I don’t love you
I don’t love you
I don’t love you

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