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A Fool's Walk

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Starting slowly, cautious, cool.
Drifting only to it's shade,
A fool, with a guarded fool,
Smiles as it's game is played.

The sun sets to coming night
As two together wander off
To its shady, woody light,
Smiling at what some would scoff.

Moonlight shines though passing clouds
Sifting down to forest floor
Strained and dimmed by leafy shroud
Till barely shining anymore.

Happily lost and wholly rapt,
Along the barely glanced at paths,
Walks sap in hand with happy sap
And from them both comes happy laughs.

Hardly seeing where they go,
Not quite certain of the way.
Know their lost? Yes, they know.
But they seem happy anyway.




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This article has 17 comments. Post your own!

TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 12:30 pm:
I love your diction. It seems like you just pulled all of your words straight from a thesaurus. Just that one "their" in the last stanza that needs to be adjusted. Otherwise, I like your writing style. It's almost Shakespearean, minus the inverted sentence structure. Very nice writing style (: it sounds super professional.
 
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JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 9, 2012 at 9:44 pm:
In the last stanza, in the second to last line "their" should be "they're"  Other than that very good job!
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm :
thankyou, I will never trust the spell check to check my grammar again. I swear, it acutally messes it up and makes it worse!
 
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NickyJ said...
Mar. 2, 2012 at 11:02 pm:
It's a bit rough in some parts, but thats okay because the rest of it is strong. The second stanza is my favorite. I think "woody light" is a great image.
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm :
Thankyou, that is my favorite stanza too. Is there anything you would like me to check out for you?
 
NickyJ replied...
Mar. 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm :

Thank you for reading and commenting on my 2 poems. I appreciate it!

I only ask, if your up to it, to read my second poem "Look For Her", as it is part of the collection too.

You've read parts 1 and 3, and while each on its own has enough meaning to stand independently, reading them in the order of the collection produces a much bigger picture.

Thakn you for everyhting though, and I'll be sure to check more of your stuff out! ;)

 
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mmb77This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 16, 2012 at 10:56 pm:
I really like the "fools" are those who are in love. The real fool is the one whose scoffing at them. Some lines didn't make sense to me and my flow got off, but I still got the message and it was great. It was sweet, without being mushy which is hard to do.
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 10:22 am :
Thankyou. I didn't do a very good job of proof-reading it, so thier are some wierd spots that I've fixed on my computer. I can't help but giggle a bit when you said 'message'. When I wrote this poem, the message was very cynical(they are happy, but that's just cause they are clueless), and I haven't changed anything of substance since, even though my opinion has.
 
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beautifulspiritThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 8, 2012 at 11:14 am:
So going off of what Basketball23 said, this poem is about two people in love---the "fools." Cool---loved the imagery.
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 11, 2012 at 10:19 am :
Thankyou. You couldn't tell it was about two people in love? Weird, I thought that the fact it was two people, holding hands, called happy fools and saps would make it kinda obvious. I don't know, I guess I manage to make things incomprehensible even when I use normal terms..... gotta work on that. I am glad you like the imagery, though. It is actually ment to be symbolic. The light, from sunlight to moonlight, was reason. The clouds and forest that obscured it was symbolic for love. I know, it'... (more »)
 
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Basketball23 said...
Dec. 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm:
I love this with a passion!  I'm not one for love-y types of writings, but this is fantastic!!!  Keep up the great work!!!
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 15, 2011 at 8:16 pm :
Thankyou, basketball. I appricate you taking the time to check out some of my work!
 
Basketball23 replied...
Dec. 16, 2011 at 6:05 pm :

No problem!  I'm gonna check out all of it at some point, I just don't have enough time to look at all of it right now.  I love your work, though <3

 

 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 22, 2012 at 10:25 am :
thanks, that means alot!
 
Basketball23 replied...
Jan. 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm :
haha yah! no problem!
 
loveissmilesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 2, 2012 at 7:12 am :
i agree with who ever said that some lines a little bit confusing. But i must say that i love the idea of the fools being in love. I dont think that way anymore, but i used to, but i could never put it into words. I think that if you repost with the corrections you would get better rates and comments, because it would be easier to understand.
 
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm :
haha! This IS supposed to be the corrected version, SUPPOSED TO BE! I took it down and put it back up, only to find I put the SAME version up a second time! It was just too excuciating to do a third time, especially since both times the poems had three week long waits.
 
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