Beautiful Agony

August 12, 2011
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Sometimes I like to savor
The pain you put me through.
Sometimes I like the flavor
Of the tears I shed for you.

Sometimes I seek out the pain
As if it were a faithful friend.
Sometimes I don't cast the blame-
Sometimes I don't want my heart to mend.

Because pain is all I know how to feel
It's the only thing that I'm sure is real
That sharp sting of agony in my chest
When it hurts the most, I like it best.

You're not the only one who's hurt me, that the thing
When I was much too young, they broke my wings.
And I'll never be able to fly.
So I enjoy the times I cry
The way there is proof of my pain
Right there
The way I know other don't feel the same.

I think I enjoy the knife in my heart
In the murder of me, you had a part.
I think I like the way I feel
When I stare at you and her
When I hear that nerve-wracking peal
Of her hideous laughter
At something funny that you must've said
I can honestly say, I wish she was dead.
My whole body seems to tremble
The agony is truly wonderful.

I love the pain
Because it's all I feel.
Please don't blame-
I just want to be real.
And if I don't feel pain then there's nothing at all-
It's confusion, silence, and that's when I fall.

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