I am never safe.
Because even as he's behind jail bars,
I still have these mental scars,
Burning memories into my eye lids
So every time I close them to go to sleep,
All I see is the truth to these lies
I hold between my pale thighs
That are to big for a 16 year old to keep.
I feel like Atlas.
But instead of the world upon my shoulders,
I carry 3 words like heavy boulders.
The demons I locked away in my heart's chamber
Scream them like bloody murder.
But I just walk quietly on as if everything is fine.
As if I'm still a virgin.
As if I'm still alive.
And I know I have the 1st Amendment: Freedom of Speech,
But those words still suck the life from me like a giant leach.
And every time I try to reach out,
Or open my mouth,
I just sit back down
Because those 3 words don't mean anything to me.
There is no word that's definition reads:
Having the soul stripped from the body,
or being so hurt you thought he'd shot you.
No, there's not a word that describes
The feeling of your probing eyes,
How he pressed so hard into me
I felt more intimacy with the asphalt,
Or the way that even after all this time I still feel at fault.
Tell me the word for having a mental time machine
That only takes me back to the night I became unclean.
When you hear "rape", what do you see?
Forced intercourse?
If so, you and the dictionary agree.
But for me, it's more.
'Cause it's made me an entirely different person
It makes me feel like everything is worse and
I just can't seem to escape.
But don't get me wrong,
My life is great.
And I don't want your pity
Just because of an unwilling quickie.
I just want you to understand it as I say,
That I will never be safe because
I was raped.