Sorry.

By
You had boldly stared me down that first day,
With dark, undeniable eyes that reminded me of May -
Darkened and yet full of life, with no malice or any strife.
Perhaps it was that day when you "ruined my life"....
I can't stop thinking about you,
Thanking and cursing my eyes for seeing you, too,
Became a part of my start into your world.

Perhaps it could be seen as wrong -
Who am I to love such a man as you?
But I only wanted you to love me, too.
Maybe I sinned that day when I whispered, "I do so love you."
But....
You never heard me,
So, I let it be that day
And I promised never to say such a thing again.
I get it, though. You're taken - you love her.

But, when you're name is spoken I cannot help the shiver that runs down my spine.
I knew there was a fine line between a crush and love -
Maybe I had moved too quickly to cross? - I am in love and I'm so sorry.
I can never tell you, and you're always on my mind even when
I scream at myself to get you out - your memory stubbornly
Holds on and refuses to go easily.

Do I stare too much at you? I know I should pay attention,
But out of the corner of my eye I watch you move about
And that always makes me want to shout my adoration to you....
Somehow, I keep my cool and instead smile a little knowing
I'd walk more than five million miles just to see you.
Would you do that for me?
But.... you love her.... I see.

Am I too silent around you? I only remain the mute,
In fear I may admit that you look so cute
When you run a hand through your hair....
It takes me all I have not to stare, to grin and try and bear these feelings....
I can only frown, instead.
If I open my mouth will you hear my heart beating so violently in my chest?
I try my best not to let see you see just what you do to me,
So I will remain quiet until the day comes,
And I am welcomed into your waiting embrace -
Perhaps my kisses will cover your flawless face?

It hurts to know that day will never come, though.
In my restless dreams I scream at your fading form that
Slips quietly into the dark storm that steals you -
Heals you from the memory of when we first met,
Taking away any chances I may get.
It is these dreams that hit me violently awake
With my tears anew and my fears no longer few.
I swear when I wake up I can remember less and less of
Our first meeting - so casual, so normal I wonder why I didn't see
How this could be such a problem for me.

I'm not supposed to love you, I know that every time I see her.
Society would look down upon us, and I don't think that's just....
Can't they see you are who I want to be?
My hidden hero, my secret love....
Perhaps I'll tell you one day, releasing this hidden dove that reminds me
I do so adore you - but that it can never be, too.
If I were to tell you, would you be so as disturbed, too?
But.... this is really all for you -
Just notice me. I love, too....

And, I will give the world just to you for a smile that
I pray will last a while so I can study those intricate
But quiet creases on your face - Such thoughts make me pace....
Why won't you leave my mind alone? Please, be kind....

But, even if I could I would not rewind my life so as to escape
This anguish and yet joy of that first meeting,
That first greeting where our eyes met....
And, my heart had been let to lie still for a moment -
I didn't know it then that I'd love you --
Maybe I had been this way all long?


My hidden hero, my secret love, my disguised idol....

Truly,


Your Secret Admirer.





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