Words of A Broken Heart

i stare at this blank white page
all that comes to mind is you
i know i set you free
i was first to let go
because of my insecurities
and fears of pain
little to my surprise
my loss was her gain
even after we said goodbye
i still ached and cried
just wanted to know why
all the resentment i felt
still can't cover up my feelings
i still want you next to me
i want you to call me your baby
is it wrong
for me to want what she has
are your feeling for me really gone
while my heart is broken
is yours fully heald
i don't want what we had to be
a faded memory
i can't let go
i refuse...





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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

WritingSpasms said...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 7:42 pm
This is pretty good. I can feel the emotions as I'm reading, which is always something you want readers to feel when they're reading your poem. :) But, unless this is really how you wanted it to be formatted, there are I's that needed to be capitalized. And there are other grammar mistakes that needed to be fixed.
 
RFrocker23 replied...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 11:36 pm
Very deep. I can really feel the frustration and kind of hopelessness behind this.
 
cali_writer2011 replied...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 8:43 pm
thank you both for reading it! also thanks for telling me about the grammar errors i can't believe i didn't see them lol but thanks again and ill be posting more poems soon:)
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 7:22 pm

I can really feel the heartbreak in this poem.  But your grammar and spelling are very distracting.

1.  "I" should be capitalized.  Not capitalizing it looks lazy.

2.  "Are your feeling for me..."  'Feeling' should be 'feelings'.

3.  It's spelled 'healed', not 'heald'

4.  "I don't want what we had to be"  This is a bit confusing.  You might want to rephrase it.

 
cali_writer2011 replied...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 8:44 pm
thanks for telling me about the grammar errors. sometimes I just type a little too fast. thanks for checking out my poem though and i will be posting more:)
 
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