I am a Child Hidden by the Shadows

June 28, 2010
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I am A child hidden by the shadows.
I wonder when the sun will reveal me.
I hear the voices of the people around me.
I see through this two-way mirror but,
I want to break it to the ground.
I am a child hidden by the shadows.

I pretend that people are not selfish, but,
I feel all everyone does is think about themselves.
I touch the glass before me,
I worry that it will never shatter.
I cry just at the thought of being stuck here.
I am a child hidden by the shadows.

I understand how people don't care about others.
I say that things need to change.
I dream people will be compassionate about things other than themselves.
I try to punch down this barrier, yet I have no success.
I hope that one day my peers will join me. But for now...
I am a child hidden by the shadows.





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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

JazzyMyne said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 10:19 am
i luved this cause it was very unique, visual, and inspiring.
 
DorkFaceLove said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 8:08 am
I enjoyed reading this poem. It's very inspirational in a way, gives everyone a meaning. It's something we can relate to. Thank you for sharing~
 
Tig-R said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:01 pm
i have just had the assignment to come up with a portrait poem in my advanced english class. i applaud the way u stay to one subject in this. it reaches out and gets ur point across
 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Thank you very much.
 
JakeShaw said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I thought it was a very well written poem! You show the emotion and fear or sorrow of the character. Keep writing and Please check out some of my work you may really like it!!! 
 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 8:08 pm
Thank you very much! I will be sure to check out some of your work and let you know what I think.
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I like this poem and the message you are conveying. I enjoyed reading it very much and thought the title is very creative. I must disagree with chrisbriones, this is well written. Criticism is important but it should be delivered softly.
 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Thank you I appreciate you taking time to read my poem!!!!
 
thewriteidea This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 3:40 pm

well III really like this poem. i can tell that it really came from your heart and those are the best kinds of writers. my favorite line is, "i try to punch down this barrier, yet i have no success." that line really spoke to me!

as for "chrisbriones" it's just one person's opinion. although in my mind i find out quite rude to say you don't like someone's work that they obviously spent a lot of time on. if you don't like it, then click NEXT ARTICLE. dont hurt people's feelings.

... (more »)

 
chrisbriones said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:50 pm

I'll be frank: I don't like it too much. It doesn't read smooth, it's inconsistent in rhythm and pleasantries to the ear, and it's just plain unattractive. However, despite this, i do take a deep liking to why you made the poem and what you're saying, i just don't like the way you approached it. I think it deserves more than five minutes, in fact i believe it deserves to be made into a project. The message is profound, and the line "I am a child hidden by the shadows" is so strongly suitable ... (more »)

 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 3:22 pm

Well considering I had to write a poem for English using that format (which was very hard to try and make it sound fluid) I don't think I did half bad.

As far as you "bashing" my work-which I happen to be proud of- I just so happened to look at some of your work and they aren't exactly my cup of tea.

I am more of a fiction/ short story writer, so with that in mind I honestly don't think I did a complete hack job like you claim I did.

I did appreciate the complim... (more »)

 
chrisbriones replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 5:29 pm
We're very different writers i suppose. I applaud you on your pride and sturdiness in your own work. Very good job.
 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Well I am a strong girl with a lot of pride, and I don't back down easily.
 
chrisbriones replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:35 pm
I woud enjoy very much to read what else you put up. That is, if you don't already wish to have a go at my throat, of course.
 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 8:06 pm
I was just protecting myself and defending my work it was nothing personal. Right now I am in the middle of a fiction piece. I will finish it and edit it, then when I am confident in it I will submit it.
 
windryder replied...
Aug. 25, 2010 at 4:42 pm

chrisbriones (or whatever)- holy lord FINALLY someone on this site that gives negative feedback! even on the bad poems i've seen people be like: "this is amazing. i love it". its really frustrating. if you could read the poem i have up and critique it i would appreciate it.

author of the poem- the only thing i didnt like in the poem was that you seem to be criticizing others, claiming that they only care about themselves, but you don't talk about how you can be selfish at times. ... (more »)

 
rheana0795 replied...
Aug. 25, 2010 at 6:18 pm
I didn't really talk about my being selfish, but I did say how I understand how they can be. But you are right, I do wish I talked more about how I can be selfish and how I try to avoid it.
 
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