I am a Child Hidden by the Shadows

June 28, 2010
By rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

I am A child hidden by the shadows.
I wonder when the sun will reveal me.
I hear the voices of the people around me.
I see through this two-way mirror but,
I want to break it to the ground.
I am a child hidden by the shadows.

I pretend that people are not selfish, but,
I feel all everyone does is think about themselves.
I touch the glass before me,
I worry that it will never shatter.
I cry just at the thought of being stuck here.
I am a child hidden by the shadows.

I understand how people don't care about others.
I say that things need to change.
I dream people will be compassionate about things other than themselves.
I try to punch down this barrier, yet I have no success.
I hope that one day my peers will join me. But for now...
I am a child hidden by the shadows.


The author's comments:
Writing this piece only took me a matter of five minutes. I was inspired by the fact that not many people in the world today actually are compassionate about one another. There are several people in the world that are selfish and care about nothing except themselves. I try to put other things ahead of myself but sometimes it can be hard. I want people to care about other and their surroundings but I need help breaking down this "barrier" so to speak. I am very passionate about this issue and that was my driving force while writing this poem.

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This article has 17 comments.


JazzyMyne GOLD said...
on Aug. 26 2010 at 10:19 am
JazzyMyne GOLD, Santa Clara, California
10 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't know what the future holds; But I do know what holds the future."-my little brother john michael

i luved this cause it was very unique, visual, and inspiring.

on Aug. 26 2010 at 8:08 am
DorkFaceLove SILVER, New York, New York
6 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

I enjoyed reading this poem. It's very inspirational in a way, gives everyone a meaning. It's something we can relate to. Thank you for sharing~

on Aug. 25 2010 at 6:18 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
I didn't really talk about my being selfish, but I did say how I understand how they can be. But you are right, I do wish I talked more about how I can be selfish and how I try to avoid it.

friend-less said...
on Aug. 25 2010 at 4:42 pm
friend-less, Natick, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.

chrisbriones (or whatever)- holy lord FINALLY someone on this site that gives negative feedback! even on the bad poems i've seen people be like: "this is amazing. i love it". its really frustrating. if you could read the poem i have up and critique it i would appreciate it.

author of the poem- the only thing i didnt like in the poem was that you seem to be criticizing others, claiming that they only care about themselves, but you don't talk about how you can be selfish at times. i think it would be nice if you level with selfish people and explain your own selfishness and then talk about how you rise above it.


on Aug. 24 2010 at 10:03 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Thank you very much.

Tig-R GOLD said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 10:01 pm
Tig-R GOLD, Saint Charles, Missouri
15 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
people say hate is a strong word, but they don't realize that so is love, and people throw it around like it's nothing

i have just had the assignment to come up with a portrait poem in my advanced english class. i applaud the way u stay to one subject in this. it reaches out and gets ur point across

on Aug. 24 2010 at 8:08 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Thank you very much! I will be sure to check out some of your work and let you know what I think.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 8:06 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
I was just protecting myself and defending my work it was nothing personal. Right now I am in the middle of a fiction piece. I will finish it and edit it, then when I am confident in it I will submit it.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 8:06 pm
JakeShaw PLATINUM, Atlanta, Georgia
23 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
When you're in a night that seems almost devoid of stars and you look but can't find someone to help you see. Look for that lonely star and let it guide you until you find the light. (anonymous)

I thought it was a very well written poem! You show the emotion and fear or sorrow of the character. Keep writing and Please check out some of my work you may really like it!!! 

on Aug. 24 2010 at 7:57 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Thank you I appreciate you taking time to read my poem!!!!

on Aug. 24 2010 at 7:52 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1635 comments

Favorite Quote:
"il piu nell' uno," (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)

"Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality" ~Emily Dickinson

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain"
~Kahlil Gibran

I like this poem and the message you are conveying. I enjoyed reading it very much and thought the title is very creative. I must disagree with chrisbriones, this is well written. Criticism is important but it should be delivered softly.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 7:35 pm
chrisbriones GOLD, Anaheim, California
11 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe nothing can be justly and completely explained by words."

I woud enjoy very much to read what else you put up. That is, if you don't already wish to have a go at my throat, of course.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 6:53 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments
Well I am a strong girl with a lot of pride, and I don't back down easily.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 5:29 pm
chrisbriones GOLD, Anaheim, California
11 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe nothing can be justly and completely explained by words."

We're very different writers i suppose. I applaud you on your pride and sturdiness in your own work. Very good job.

on Aug. 24 2010 at 3:40 pm
thewriteidea DIAMOND, Pleasanton, California
67 articles 0 photos 336 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't cry that it's over, smile because it has happened."

well III really like this poem. i can tell that it really came from your heart and those are the best kinds of writers. my favorite line is, "i try to punch down this barrier, yet i have no success." that line really spoke to me!

as for "chrisbriones" it's just one person's opinion. although in my mind i find out quite rude to say you don't like someone's work that they obviously spent a lot of time on. if you don't like it, then click NEXT ARTICLE. dont hurt people's feelings.

this is a great piece and it's one of my favorites. don't get down!

you can rate/comment on some of my work, too if you'd like. great job on this! keep writing!(:


on Aug. 24 2010 at 3:22 pm
rheana0795 BRONZE, Saugerties, New York
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Well considering I had to write a poem for English using that format (which was very hard to try and make it sound fluid) I don't think I did half bad.

As far as you "bashing" my work-which I happen to be proud of- I just so happened to look at some of your work and they aren't exactly my cup of tea.

I am more of a fiction/ short story writer, so with that in mind I honestly don't think I did a complete hack job like you claim I did.

I did appreciate the compliments that you threw in there, even if they were disguised by your other remarks...


on Aug. 24 2010 at 2:50 pm
chrisbriones GOLD, Anaheim, California
11 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe nothing can be justly and completely explained by words."

I'll be frank: I don't like it too much. It doesn't read smooth, it's inconsistent in rhythm and pleasantries to the ear, and it's just plain unattractive. However, despite this, i do take a deep liking to why you made the poem and what you're saying, i just don't like the way you approached it. I think it deserves more than five minutes, in fact i believe it deserves to be made into a project. The message is profound, and the line "I am a child hidden by the shadows" is so strongly suitable and chilling. The repetition of that line resonates the emotion of the piece.

I apologize for my seeming-bashing of your work, but do understand that I merely wish to let you know that you have to go back to it. I can tell you can make it much better and even stronger than you might of originally intended.

And, if i might suggest, maybe you could experiment with abstract or indirect tactics. Don't necessarily say it so directly. Perhaps you may be better at that and you'll be able to make your work all the more impressive.

Keep writing.



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