You wanted to fly

March 20, 2010
By reneeannxyz PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
reneeannxyz PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
40 articles 0 photos 5 comments

You said you wanted to fly,
I told you to take your time.
But you were already in the sky,
And I couldn’t make the climb.

I told you to take your time,
But you were going after your dreams.
I couldn’t make the climb,
It was higher than it seemed.

You were going after your dreams,
When you fell to the ground,
It was higher than it seemed,
But you were happy with what you found.

When you fell to the ground,
You had a taste of freedom on your lips,
You were happy with what you found.
And there you went, slipping through my fingertips.

You had the taste of freedom on your lips,
You were already in the sky.
And there you went, slipping through my fingertips.
You said you wanted to fly.


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This article has 4 comments.


on Apr. 10 2010 at 10:21 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments
Good to know.

on Apr. 7 2010 at 9:49 pm
reneeannxyz PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
40 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Hm, my comment got cut off.

It was also not a reference to anything. I can see how you would think that, but the line "You said you wanted to fly" is a personal line from my life, and the it is inspired by certain events in my life. :)

on Apr. 7 2010 at 9:42 pm
reneeannxyz PLATINUM, Bloomington, Illinois
40 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Thank you for the feedback! But it's a Pantoum, and this particular form of poetry requires repeated lines. :)

on Apr. 7 2010 at 8:24 pm
KICK3593 PLATINUM, Roslyn Heights, New York
49 articles 0 photos 74 comments

This is Daedalus and Icarus, I presume? Interesting how you rhymed the poem and made everything recur, like rippling water... haha, ironic Ovidian reference, but I digress, ANYWAY. It is a good poem, only it could be developed just a bit more. My only suggestion is word choice, which is NOT EASy to do.

All I can say is, you've got a heavy good start here!





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