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Stop The Violence MAG

By Anonymous

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


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This article has 198 comments.

Angie.Hudak GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:51 pm
Angie.Hudak GOLD, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
10 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope for the best, expect the worst."
"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain." -Bob Marley

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Agreed. I mean, it's deff not terrible. But I think it's the best of what I've read on the website. Shouldn't have been put in the magazine, in my opinion.
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:18 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
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I like the emotions you put into this poem, but I think there are some changes that you might consider. First, I wouldn't try so hard to rhyme. It distracts from the over all picture. Secondly, I wouldn't make each sentence it's own line. Break things up a little.

I hope that my comment helps you.

BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:13 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
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ElleNicole, you are entitled to your own opinion, but the way you have expressed it seems very hurtful, though I cannot speak for how the author actually feels. I beleive that this poem could be a lot better and I will, in another comment, give specific advice that I hope will help this author. You, from what I can see, have offered no constructive advice what so ever.
ElleNicole BRONZE said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 5:01 pm
ElleNicole BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

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Agreed. No offense, this poem has no quality. It's a nice message and all, but it would be more powerful if you were a better writer...
ElleNicole BRONZE said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 4:59 pm
ElleNicole BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

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Agreed.
itlovedtohappen GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 4:50 pm
itlovedtohappen GOLD, Ocala, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments
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This is awesome. Would make a great song! :)
flawless said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 9:48 am
this is a realistic problem and I like the way he puts every thing in light. i like it alot
remembermeplz PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 1 2011 at 8:07 pm
remembermeplz PLATINUM, Friend, Nebraska
36 articles 10 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" -- Jimi Hendrix

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I like it =)

I dont care if other people dont think it should be in the magizine.I think It should and Im glad it was =D!

tarynpie BRONZE said...
on Jul. 1 2011 at 7:20 pm
tarynpie BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
2 articles 1 photo 28 comments
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I like the message a lot more than the poem. The poor grammer doesn't seem stylistic at all (if that's what you were going for). The rhymes are simple.  I don't like to be mean but it just doesn't make since how this got in the magazinge. The idea was good but you should've tried something different.
no.name. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:53 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 93 comments
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Most defintely.

 

no.name. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:52 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 93 comments
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Did anyone ever think that maybe the grammar is part of the style of the poem?

 

no.name. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:51 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 93 comments
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I agree, but the subject is still good.
no.name. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:50 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 93 comments
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I totally agree.
no.name. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:49 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 93 comments
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I like your style. The words stuck together reminded me of e.e. cummings a little bit. It's brilliant and I love the subject. I totally agree your perspective. Very insightful.
iLuvLife said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 3:58 pm
This is really nice; keep up the good work. Hope people read & learn from this. <3
spency SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:35 am
spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T GIVE UP,REACH YOURSELF UP"

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this is really nice
MLGBattlediva said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:14 am

The sky. Duhhh. I love burrtioes.

 

PS. Tacos are good too

MLGcougars said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:12 am
wats up MLGBATTLEDIVA
MLGbattlediva said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:10 am

Thats not my real name, its cats.

 

jesus#7 said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:09 am
wats up kyler