Stop The Violence MAG

By Anonymous

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 198 comments.


on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:51 pm
Angie.Hudak GOLD, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
10 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope for the best, expect the worst."
"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain." -Bob Marley

Agreed. I mean, it's deff not terrible. But I think it's the best of what I've read on the website. Shouldn't have been put in the magazine, in my opinion.

on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:18 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments

I like the emotions you put into this poem, but I think there are some changes that you might consider. First, I wouldn't try so hard to rhyme. It distracts from the over all picture. Secondly, I wouldn't make each sentence it's own line. Break things up a little.

I hope that my comment helps you.


on Jul. 23 2011 at 6:13 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
ElleNicole, you are entitled to your own opinion, but the way you have expressed it seems very hurtful, though I cannot speak for how the author actually feels. I beleive that this poem could be a lot better and I will, in another comment, give specific advice that I hope will help this author. You, from what I can see, have offered no constructive advice what so ever.

on Jul. 23 2011 at 5:01 pm
ElleNicole BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

Agreed. No offense, this poem has no quality. It's a nice message and all, but it would be more powerful if you were a better writer...

on Jul. 23 2011 at 4:59 pm
ElleNicole BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

Agreed.

on Jul. 23 2011 at 4:50 pm
itlovedtohappen GOLD, Ocala, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments
This is awesome. Would make a great song! :)

flawless said...
on Jul. 23 2011 at 9:48 am
this is a realistic problem and I like the way he puts every thing in light. i like it alot

on Jul. 1 2011 at 8:07 pm
remembermeplz PLATINUM, Friend, Nebraska
36 articles 10 photos 230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace" -- Jimi Hendrix

I like it =)

I dont care if other people dont think it should be in the magizine.I think It should and Im glad it was =D!


on Jul. 1 2011 at 7:20 pm
tarynpie BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
2 articles 1 photo 28 comments
I like the message a lot more than the poem. The poor grammer doesn't seem stylistic at all (if that's what you were going for). The rhymes are simple.  I don't like to be mean but it just doesn't make since how this got in the magazinge. The idea was good but you should've tried something different.

on Jul. 1 2011 at 3:10 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

I don't understand why this was in the magazine. Even if the poor grammar and wording were part of the style of the poem, that does not change the fact that it's badly written.

Some more perspective would have helped this immensely. As it is, the poem moves in forced stops and starts, and the message is shallow and clichéd.


on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:53 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Most defintely.

 


on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:52 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments

Did anyone ever think that maybe the grammar is part of the style of the poem?

 


on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:51 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments
I agree, but the subject is still good.

on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:50 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments
I totally agree.

on Jun. 9 2011 at 4:49 pm
no.name. PLATINUM, Ceres, California
42 articles 0 photos 94 comments
I like your style. The words stuck together reminded me of e.e. cummings a little bit. It's brilliant and I love the subject. I totally agree your perspective. Very insightful.

iLuvLife said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 3:58 pm
This is really nice; keep up the good work. Hope people read & learn from this. <3

spency SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:35 am
spency SILVER, Irvington, New Jersey
8 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T GIVE UP,REACH YOURSELF UP"

this is really nice

on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:14 am

The sky. Duhhh. I love burrtioes.

 

PS. Tacos are good too


MLGcougars said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:12 am
wats up MLGBATTLEDIVA

on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:10 am

Thats not my real name, its cats.

 



SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!