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Stop The Violence MAG
Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 198 comments.
I don't understand why this poem was published in the magazine. I'm not a good writer, but even I could have thought up something better.
1. The rhyming was cliched. I've heard "ground" and "down" rhymed together many times. It wasn't even used in an imaginative way. Nothing was particularly interesting about the poem, but at least it was short. I've also heard fancy cars and mentions of jewelry to describe wealth too often, as if that's the only thing the rich buy.
2. How are wealthy people connected to violence? I guess if they were drug cartels or if they caused poverty that would be one way, but that wasn't talked about in the poem.
Anything good I can say?
Yes, I actually liked the last four lines for some reason.
i like this,great idea
wow, i really liked your poem! You should check some of my work out.Like my always love at home poem. I think you will like it. I might be wrong about this, but your poem kinda....like told me that you write about important stuff in the world,just like i do. Please write back :)
K@T
Amazing but needs work..PLEASE READ MY ARTICLES AND COMMENT!!
12 articles 6 photos 31 comments
Favorite Quote:
If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done.
--Ludwig Wittgenstein