Stop The Violence MAG

By Anonymous

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!



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This article has 198 comments.


on Jan. 1 2013 at 5:34 pm
HPRGSuperFan GOLD, Indian Creek, Illinois
12 articles 6 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done.
--Ludwig Wittgenstein

I completely agree! Good start, though:)

on Jan. 1 2013 at 1:54 pm
HouseofYork GOLD, Powhatan, Virginia
12 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...Time and Chance happened to them all." Ecc 9:11

Great poem, a thumb up for the topic, but I pray the editors fixed the grammar.

on Dec. 10 2012 at 5:23 pm
theatregirl PLATINUM, Lathrup Village, Michigan
30 articles 12 photos 212 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To thine own self be true," -from Hamlet, a play by Shakespeare.
"I have sworn on the altar of god eternal hostility against all forms of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson

agreed  

on Dec. 10 2012 at 5:22 pm
theatregirl PLATINUM, Lathrup Village, Michigan
30 articles 12 photos 212 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To thine own self be true," -from Hamlet, a play by Shakespeare.
"I have sworn on the altar of god eternal hostility against all forms of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson

good idea, but it was very un expressive. Plus, I feel like it an like you did the usauly over use, voilence is not answer poetry trope. It was unorginal, however not the bigest problem. most writing aren't. but on top of being unorginal, it was poorly exucate and boring. Over all this is a first draft, not really a finish product. Reach beyong the norm, and try to do a different spend. But, keep writing.

on Oct. 5 2012 at 11:33 am
sadesdd DIAMOND, Elma, Iowa
90 articles 0 photos 214 comments
I like this poem because it is something they have seen or lived with their whole life. Sometimes you need a simple poem once in a while to show innocence, and to help others understand. Love it.

villain123 said...
on Jul. 31 2012 at 11:45 am
villain123, Bridgewater, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm okay with war as long as nobody gets hurt."

I don't understand why this poem was published in the magazine. I'm not a good writer, but even I could have thought up something better.

1. The rhyming was cliched. I've heard "ground" and "down" rhymed together many times. It wasn't even used in an imaginative way. Nothing was particularly interesting about the poem, but at least it was short. I've also heard fancy cars and mentions of jewelry to describe wealth too often, as if that's the only thing the rich buy.

2. How are wealthy people connected to violence? I guess if they were drug cartels or if they caused poverty that would be one way, but that wasn't talked about in the poem.

Anything good I can say?

Yes, I actually liked the last four lines for some reason.


on Jun. 30 2012 at 7:16 am
If you are in not good state and have got no cash to get out from that point, you will need to receive the business loans. Just because it would aid you unquestionably. I take financial loan every time I need and feel myself good just because of this.

on Jun. 17 2012 at 3:47 pm
MayaaMagdy BRONZE, Nasr City, Other
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

i like this,great idea

 


Meashka_baby said...
on Jun. 7 2012 at 9:41 am
Meashka_baby, Farmington, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
A heart just a question mark!

Oh my God this is an AMAZING poem, I've been writing poetry ever sience I could hold a pencle and you can go far with this poetry trust me, I should know :)

on May. 26 2012 at 9:07 am
thewriter19 BRONZE, Coral Springs, Florida
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
In order to become a better writer...you have to give very constructive critism and point out both negitives and positives. Poetry within itself is self expression. But the best poets became the inspiration to future thinkers. By giving dishonost critism it just limits potental

on May. 26 2012 at 9:04 am
thewriter19 BRONZE, Coral Springs, Florida
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
Well. I wasn't a big fan of this one because the words are so simple and uneducated. The rhymes are forced and lack realism. However, it is direct and clear...and you work the simple rhyme sceme to your benifit annoymous. But I am quite supprized that this poem was picked to be number one. It doesn't really make me think about anything. The message is one sided and lacks deeper meaning. What I think that you can make this better is to change the words to a more natural rhyme pattern and use metaphors, simles, and symbolism alot more.

MollyEB SILVER said...
on May. 4 2012 at 4:11 pm
MollyEB SILVER, Scotch Plains, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 21 comments
this poem is not "pretty close to awful." that might be your opinion, but keep it to yourself so no feelings are hurt

MollyEB SILVER said...
on May. 4 2012 at 4:07 pm
MollyEB SILVER, Scotch Plains, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 21 comments
this poem is not awful at all! that might be your opinion, but no offenes, you should probably keep it to yourself so no feelings are hurt

MollyEB SILVER said...
on May. 4 2012 at 4:04 pm
MollyEB SILVER, Scotch Plains, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 21 comments
to the author of this poem: when i said that about opinoins i didn't mean you! i pressed "new comment" accidently instead of reply, so i was addressing someone with a negative comment. you poem sends a good message!

on Apr. 12 2012 at 1:14 pm
ArexYouxReady BRONZE, Scottsdale, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Allons-y!

This is wonderful.  I think that the concept is an everyday topic that everyone can relate to.  You presented your topic in a clear and concise way that left me thinking.  It also left me feeling as if I need to do something, which is good as that's what work should do: inspire people.

on Apr. 12 2012 at 11:48 am
Kat_Chandler BRONZE, Island Of Misfit Toys, North Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

wow, i really liked your poem! You should check  some of my work out.Like my always love at home poem. I think you will like it. I might be wrong about this, but your poem kinda....like told me that you write about important stuff in the world,just like i do. Please write back :)

                                    K@T


on Apr. 12 2012 at 8:23 am
snowleopard100 PLATINUM, New York City, New York
33 articles 1 photo 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, but I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

This is a great concept to write about, and you did it in a nice, clear way. Nevertheless, the wording used should be heavily considered as well as the flow of the poem.

Es_Maya SILVER said...
on Apr. 12 2012 at 7:28 am
Es_Maya SILVER, London, Other
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments
This poem is really good, and idont blame you for the spelling mistakes because when i published my poems, the actual website made spelling mistakes. So Yeah Really Amazing <3 

gdsgfewhjfwe said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 2:14 pm
i think thatyou could have done abetter job woth yourspelling. Word.

on Mar. 21 2012 at 11:23 am
Celeste_N. SILVER, Balch Springs, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your just mad that your not a rainbow unicorn with ninja monkeys that can talk to gummy bears(:

Amazing but needs work..PLEASE READ MY ARTICLES AND COMMENT!!






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