Nervous Speaker

By Victaria, New Braunfels, TX

He paces like a lion caged
Bares his teeth or growls
He waves his arms to frighten off
The unseen terror that in his mind prowls

Always looking for a place to run
Grips the wood with claws gone white
Or shuffles through papers of plans gone wrong
Hemming and hawing to get it right

This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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SMWells said...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 1:48 pm:

Nevermind what TuffGurl said. It dosn't need to be any longer. It's the mound of expresion in few words that make it good. Congragulations for getting it in the magizine!

Victaria replied...
Nov. 11, 2010 at 11:17 am :

thanks :) you made my morning with all your comments

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TuffGurl said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 12:12 pm:

this is good! I just have two constructive criticism comments: 1, the line "the unseen terror that in his mind prowls" is a good line, but it seems to be too long to fit with the line that is its rhyming partner. It makes it a bit uneven. 2, the last stanza is amazing... but I really want the whole poem to be longer! That last line is so good, but it seems a bit unfinished, like it needs at least a line or a stanza after it. Overall it's a bit unfinished but is REALLY good. You're a much better ... (more »)

Victaria replied...
Nov. 11, 2010 at 11:16 am :

i personally think the 'bares his teeth or growls' line is too short i would have liked it two syllables longer but this was one of those quick type poems where you type everything out as it comes and don't make any corrections

btw thanks for the comment :)