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Novacaine

Sometimes I wish I could be
One of the hopeless
Because then I wouldn't feel a thing.
I wouldn't have to deal with disappointment.
No enjoyment either, but still.

Too many times have I
Got my hopes up only to have them crushed moments later.
Too many dreams have I
And one of these days I'm bound to wake up and realize
Dreaming was my biggest mistake.
Reality will sink in.

I'm never going to be who I want to be.
I'm never going to succeed like in my fantasies.
Everything I desire most likely will never, ever come about.
And it's just now that I am beginning
To figure this out.

Sometimes I wish I could be
One of the hopeless because
Maybe then,
And only then,
My heart wouldn't break so much.

This is just a theory
But maybe if you don't believe in miracles
In anything
But reality and cold hard facts
Then you're heart is kept intact.

Too many feelings and emotions
Are bottled up inside of me.
I think that's my biggest problem.
A weakness of mine that I try so hard to hide.
The reason why i'm crying .

Please,
No more feelings.
No more emotions.
No more pain, misery and agony.
No more anger.
Just a passiveness.
Definitely something I could relish.
Someone please steal my hope away.

I want to be left with nothing inside of me.
I'm sick of feeling.
I'm tired of this world.
Someone make me numb.
Novacaine my heart.
Spread the drug throughout my body and mind
So the pain would stop.
Because right now
Nothing's as promised
The pain isn't receding over time.

I'm finished with believing.
All of these people lying to me,
Telling me everything will be
"Okay."
No, nothing will be
Especially not today.





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