The world according to Sunny.

July 18, 2009
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I've always been sceptical about the sugar-coated 'normal' lifestyle.
The perfect housewfie,modernly known as the working mom.
The hardworking father figure.
Usually two children.
Both uniquely perfect.In their own perfect ways.
Typically,the two children pairing consist of a boy,and a girl.
I don't understand why you would want children..
But I'm negative,and I understand that it is a beautiful thing.
But isn't it a bummer that they do grow up so fast?
All that matters is their happiness,and if they're fed,healthy,you know.
yadda yadda yadda.
Its all about the kids.
Even in the movies..its always the kids out having fun,and doing all the interesting adventurous things,and all the parents do is 'support' and 'guide' and nag.
Thats it.
Occasionally,you'll see them washing some dishes,or patting their child's head and rushing off to work.
I don't understand.
They grow up,and typically by then,you in your midlife years.
In other words,old.
Then they just leave,unless you're unlucky,and they live with you until their own midyears.
And you're at the dusk of you lifetime.
Almost gone.
I don't understand why you would do that to yourself..I mean,I know it must be exciting having children when you're all proud of them.
I hope I'm in the same boat as at least one person out there,everyone I'm surrounded by completeley disagrees.
I just don't want to waste my lifetime.
I wish someone would agree with me.
Oh..that 'white pickett fence' visual.
I know thats old,but out here in the country,thats all they want.
A perfect lifestyle of no excitement except modern pastimes such as music.
I want to see the world.
I've thought this way since I was at least ten.My mom said I'd grow up and not want to move around so much.
I still want to see the world,and everything it has to offer.
That whole ordeal of having a nine o'clock to five o'clock dayjob thing..just isn't for me.
I would rather gnaw my own fingers off than suffer through that.
Don't tell me I probably will end up that way,I know I'm better than that.
I've grown up in a trailer park,and a small trailer containing my family of six.
I still want to be a writer,and I still want to go to Sarah Lawrence college in New York.
Its my dream,and I'm following it.
I surely don't want to be trapped.
Thats my worst fear.
Being trapped,with that perfect/horrible job,a husband,which I probably won't even love,and children I have to constantly watch.
I don't even beleive in love.I've had boyfreinds,they all say they love me,but I can never muster it up.I think they lie.I don't think its real.
But it must be real,my parents must have it.
They made it work over me and my brother,who fought constantly,but we both want out of here,and want a better life.
My mom and dad have fought andhad arguements and everything,but there must be love there if they've lasted this long in a small trailer,confined here.
With no easy way out.
Or..a hard way out at that.
If either one of them were to leave or dissappear,our entire family would be ruined.
Financially,and mentally.
I rambling again..I'm sorry.
Thanks for reading this though.
If I made sense to you,please give me advice.
I've turned to the virtual world,the people around me can't help me.





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xXsmileXx This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I completey understand and agree. I may not live in a trailor with a family of six, but i may as well. Having kids scares me. It's like, once you them, you're life is done, over, end of story. I don't know if i really want that. My family and friends think im nothing special, but they can make a final decision on that in a few years. Great Job!
 
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