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Heaven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

Just through the clouds
Just beyond the bloody orange sunset
Lie golden gates
Lie people's fates
No hate
No crime
No war
No dying
You're a spirit
You're one with God

On this earth
So filled with
Hate
Crime
War
Death
It's hard to be sure
Sure that it's there
And sometimes
I cry
Because I think
How disappointed God must be
In me
For doubting
Doubting
Then I look
At the night sky
So black
Anything could be out there
The possibilities are endless
I look at the stars
A tiny billion miracles
Waiting to shine
Brighter, brighter
Than ever before
And my mom calls to me
“Go to bed, Sofia!”
Because it really is
Very late
No time for a little girl to be up
So I just peek
Sneak
One last look at that black canvas
Full of miracles
And I smile
Because He's there
I know He is

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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KathleenE. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 24, 2009 at 1:45 pm:
The second part of the poem definitely picked it up and showed your talents. However, the first part seemed a little forced and juvenile in the rhymes--if you edit it a bit, your poem would be so much stronger. But, as it is, you have a beautiful poem.
 
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SnehaChatterjeeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 24, 2009 at 11:09 am:
Wow! awsome poem! n thnx for d comment on my article!
 
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Zero_Kiryu This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 22, 2009 at 10:20 pm:
I like the emotion in this, your poetry is beautiful. But, I must agree with SilverDawn, the description of the sunset as bloody doesn't jive with the peaceful and curious elements in this poem. Maybe you could describe it as blushing to maybe add some personification and keep with the over all mood of the poem. Over all great job. <(o.0)> ZERO
 
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MattRgrs This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 22, 2009 at 3:47 pm:
This is a great poem. I’ve been there myself many times. I don’t believe in any religion but I definitely believe in a god. it is difficult not to when you just take a look around.
 
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ellabella25 said...
Jul. 17, 2009 at 9:51 pm:
pretty good! I can relate to this feeling.
You should correct spelling errors (like "peak" to "peek" or "you're" to "your"). maybe adding puntuation and changing the paragraph structure could make the poem more interesting to read/look at. Also a less obvious title could help :)
 
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SilverDawn said...
Jul. 17, 2009 at 4:48 pm:
wow, great poem! your words are so truthful. it shocked me in the beginning though when you described the sunset as bloody. it didn't really seem to fit there. but i could see you were trying to infuse some literary devices and that's good. keep writing (:
 
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Alexia B. said...
Jul. 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm:
This is a great poem i like how its related to actual ppl who sometimes doubt there is a heaven or a god
 
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PinkPrincess said...
Jul. 13, 2009 at 5:38 pm:
i like the way your emotions flow through the words good job
 
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project827 said...
Jul. 12, 2009 at 8:13 pm:
not bad, i think everyone can somehow relate to this one. nice work
 
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