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Dying Friend

We used to be so close and connect, but now I feel that your farther away from me before we even met. Before we had countless jokes and laughs and great time, just you and me and even with other friends,but now it seems like its fading away like everything is turning to dust. I wish things were back to the way they were. In my heart I know that it can happen. But are you willing to make it happen? For the sake of out friendship. For the sake of our memories...that should continue. For a long time I have been dealing with this. For about two years. One day I thought it was over and things were going to be to the way it was going to be. I was wrong. You let one of the problems come back and now I'm back where I started. It was your decision. I respect that. I just don't like feeling like the third wheel of the group. You wonder why I dont come over as much anymore. Its because the problem that I thought was gone is always around you. I didnt like the atmosphere of the problem, and the problem didnt like me. I feel that I have to compete with a problem that is not nesscary. I feel that it should be equal and not all about the problem. I dont want to feel that I have to compete anymore. Sadly I still do. Sometimes I feel like giving up...on everything. Thus, something in my mind keeps pulling me back and to keep hanging on through theses bad times. Isnt that was friendship is about. Hanging on to the person even when things get rough. It kills me that I'm losing you this way, in a problem that should also be gone or be a friend. Like I'm trying to be. The problem thinks that a little bit over two weeks of losing you in pain. The problem should see whats it like to deal with it for two years of my life. But instead of love. I was trying to regain our friendship to what it used to be. I thought we were close enough, for you to see the pain and hurt in my eyes, but I guess that has also changed too. Our friendship used to be on top of the world but now its desingrating into little pieces....year by year....month by month....day by day....hour by hour....minute by minute...second by second... I really dont know how much longer I can deal with these emotions. With me trying to envy your every motion, trying to be happy for you. But your too wrapped up in the problem that I just feel like a side dish on a plate not fully eaten becuase its not as good as the meal. Maybe its just the love I have for you that I have had for all these years. Like a sisterly friendly love that I have. Maybe that is what keeps me from letting go....





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