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American Dream This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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so this is where all the dreaming takes me
to a cold, empty reality
with sleep still in my eyes
shivering, confused, I must’ve overslept
now it’s time to wake up
one last yawn, then face the lies
I’m barefoot and the streets are rough
paved with broken glass
but that’s okay
’cause the land is flowing
with milk and honey
bread and butter
and justice
if you just keep on going ...



This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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writingriver05This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 10 at 8:28 pm:
American Dream is a beatuiful poem. And also very true. Oh, if only it wasnt i think this world would be a much better place. Dont you agree?
 
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Moodie.TheQUEEN said...
May 10 at 12:49 pm:
AWESOME. I can totally relate! This poem is amazing & it shows reality (:
 
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L.E.Liza101This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 30 at 2:41 pm:
I love it. It is amazing. 
 
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TheoBVThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 29 at 1:10 pm:
Amazing. I loved it.
 
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CarrieElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 28 at 3:03 pm:
WOW. Beautiful beautiful beautiful.
 
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pcullen79 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:47 pm:
great poem, i like how it is brief but communicates a longing for something more. it seems like you think in the same way i do as i could relate to this. keep writing stuff like this.
 
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pencil led said...
May 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm:
I REALLY LIKED YOUR POEM I  THOUGHT THAT EVERYTHING WAS COOL AND INTERESTING. I ALSO NOTICED THAT YOU USED ASSONANCE AND METAPHORS, THEY AFFECTED ME BECAUSE IT HELPED ME UNDERSTAND IT A LITTLE BETTER.
 
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Maranda D. said...
May 3, 2012 at 12:51 pm:
American Dream is a fantastic poem. This poem is really long sort of like a sonnet. It likede how at the end it was kinf of like a meter.
 
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morizenbu said...
Jan. 30, 2012 at 1:17 am:
Are you kidding me? This is not only overblown and grandiloquent, (American dream? Seriously? You pick the theme out of a hat or was it your own idea?), identifying it clearly as teen work, but your naively simple perception of gritty contrast and rhetoric grinds any momentum this theme may have had in the hands of someone more able to a halt! Some advice- poetry is about self expression. If you seriously hanker for somewhere where the land is flowing with justice you might want to consider your... (more »)
 
Padfoot507This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm :

woah there mr. critical, cool your jets :/ you forgot the "constructive" part in "constructive criticism"

-its a great poem! keep it up :)

 
raindance72This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 11:07 am :
That morizenbu posted a semi-rude comment on one of my poems, too. His/her comments are just downers. On another note, I really enjoyed this. Keep up the good work! :)
 
writingriver05This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 10 at 8:34 pm :
I thought these posts were supposed to be positive about the poem besides this is a truly beatuiful poem how could someone downgrade it like that? 
 
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kate12345meThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 11:19 pm:
I see why this is popular. The words contradict each other, but it makes sense. Although I'm not American myself, I can imagine imagery of dark shapes, and frequent bursts of vibrant colours. This is very visually pleasing. Wonderful, keep it up! xo
 
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Blairezie said...
Jan. 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm:
The visual on that poem was epic, and the theme was amazing- I loved the idea. The meter was confusing, since the first two lines rhymed and none of the others did. But that's literally the only thing I noticed! Great job.
 
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Book_addict said...
Dec. 8, 2011 at 10:49 pm:
Awesome!  The visual this projects is really startling but at the same time, like "Yeah, sorta, totally." 
 
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raindance72This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 8:48 pm:

Great work! I love the rhythm and the language you used here. It's inspirational, really; and I loved it :)

Would anyone consider taking a look at (and maybe commenting?) on my poetry? I have three things in and really need feedback, thx!

 
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ElleNicole said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:17 pm:
Nice job. Check out my stuff?
 
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DAN_CER_554 said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm:
I thought it was good while i was reading it. It wasn't until the last line that i was like wow. It struck me and took my breath away. Amazing
 
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JuneTazThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:06 pm:
Think your poem is really unique and realistic too. I especially like how the shortness left me thinking about it. Four stars!
 
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ShadowKeeper said...
Nov. 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm:
I loved the ending!! that is soo true!! Keep writing!!
 
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