American Dream

I REALLY LIKED YOUR POEM I  THOUGHT THAT EVERYTHING WAS COOL AND INTERESTING. I ALSO NOTICED THAT YOU USED ASSONANCE AND METAPHORS, THEY AFFECTED ME BECAUSE IT HELPED ME UNDERSTAND IT A LITTLE BETTER.

American Dream is a fantastic poem. This poem is really long sort of like a sonnet. It likede how at the end it was kinf of like a meter.

Are you kidding me? This is not only overblown and grandiloquent, (American dream? Seriously? You pick the theme out of a hat or was it your own idea?), identifying it clearly as teen work, but your naively simple perception of gritty contrast and rhetoric grinds any momentum this theme may have had in the hands of someone more able to a halt! Some advice- poetry is about self expression. If you seriously hanker for somewhere where the land is flowing with justice you might want to consider your... (more »)

I see why this is popular. The words contradict each other, but it makes sense. Although I'm not American myself, I can imagine imagery of dark shapes, and frequent bursts of vibrant colours. This is very visually pleasing. Wonderful, keep it up! xo

The visual on that poem was epic, and the theme was amazing- I loved the idea. The meter was confusing, since the first two lines rhymed and none of the others did. But that's literally the only thing I noticed! Great job.

Awesome!  The visual this projects is really startling but at the same time, like "Yeah, sorta, totally." 

Great work! I love the rhythm and the language you used here. It's inspirational, really; and I loved it :)

Would anyone consider taking a look at (and maybe commenting?) on my poetry? I have three things in and really need feedback, thx!

Nice job. Check out my stuff?

I thought it was good while i was reading it. It wasn't until the last line that i was like wow. It struck me and took my breath away. Amazing

Think your poem is really unique and realistic too. I especially like how the shortness left me thinking about it. Four stars!

I loved the ending!! that is soo true!! Keep writing!!

This has no feeling, no meaning.  To write, one must be willing to face something that needs to be faced.  This does not.  You have potential, but this doesn't hit a mark.

This is great.

you have a certain way of expressing your thoughts. loved the poem!

Interesting how the modern "American Dream" is not the same as in the past. Modern Americans don't really believe in progress. 

Wow, after puttting things into perspective, I finally understand "American Dream". Great job!  

At first I wasn't sure what I thought about this poem but when I read the ending, that sealed it for me.  You did a really nice job!

I love this. Especially the ending. You're really talented!

This is beautiful, you write really well. Can you please comment on some of my work? I'd love to hear what you think. Keep writing!

As a writer you want to have meaning and not just everyday laundry meaning, real meaning. Have a unique reason to write. If you want to say pretty things, that's good for yourself. But the world needs purpose.

This is really good. Awesome job!! Keep it up!

wow dat is amazing

Good job on the poem. It's great, and the imagery is simple, but effective. For that, I give you five stars. :)

WOW...5 stars all the way! :) This poem was amazingggg! I loved it so much! Also, if anyone has time, please check out and comment on my poem, The Girl Inside...THANK YOU SO MUCH! :)

i liked it

 

I love it. 

<3 love it!

i loved this!! and it was so nicely written!! :)

I loved it :) made me really reflect! i'm sort of a dark-poem kinda person, and i liked the line "one last yawn, then face the lies." greatt! :)

speechless

The “American Dream” has many tenets, one of which is <a title="Skeptics doubt worth of homeownership as investment" http://personalmoneystore.com/moneyblog/2011/03/21/homeownership-skeptics/">homeownership</a>. A growing number of well qualified experts are starting to openly and notoriously challenge home ownership as an investment, as they assert it doesn't hold up to scrutiny as a severe investment. There's a mounting body of evidence the doubters are right.

Thats exactly how I feel when I've just woken up from a really great dream. It's like you think your in that world but your not and when you finally realize that it's like ugh!! back to reality and my messed up life. plus you really wish you could fall back asleep and go into your dream again but you can't so you just keep on going and try to make the best of everything. that was really well written and great job- :)

I honestly think you could help me with my work I'm kinda new to this poetry thing. But I find  myself liking it more and more each day...

This is really good. It makes me think of the homeless people. Which is sad, but it's touching. I like it! Good job! :)

Wow this is amazing

This is excellent! Truly brilliant! Hey, could you look at some of my work? My newest poem is "It Waits For You." Thanks! Again great job!

This is brilliant. A beautiful description of what that "AMerican Dream" has turned into. As you said its depressing that now all it is, cement, and broken glass.

Wow. That is really good, and true. I love it.

-Lilac

Wow. I just made an account, and this is the most amazing thing I have read so far!

I really liked this! It had the kind of tongue-in-cheek witt that I absolutely love.

I really loved how you presented this. The scheme seems very unique. I would say expand on it and make the transition from negative to positive more natural.

I agree that your writing is quite thought-provoking. My only critique is that maybe you could put more thought into some meter of some kind. I found that that was the only think that I didn't like about it. If you could get your poetry to flow just a little bit more, I think you could grow into a truly excellent writer... I also liked your other work too.

i really like your descriptions of the street, the sleep in your eyes, and the bounty of the land. the more times your read over htis poem the more it makes sense. its beautiful.