Thing of you only makes me want to cry. Knowing how bad I hurt makes me think how you must feel. thinking that makes me want to cry. Thinking how much of a screw up I am makes me cry. Knowing that I push everyone close to me away and dont think about how much I did wsong till its to late. Knowing how much pain I cause people make me not want to live. Thinking that I dont want to live makes me cry. Thinking about crying only makes me cry harder. Wishing someone was here by me. I realize even if someone was here they wouldnt be for long. Knowing that I would push them away makes me cry. Thinking to myself, " dont let no one in, you dont want to cause anyone pain and you dont want to have pain." thinking of being alone hurts so much that the only thing I can do is cry, and to relieve my inner pain I cause outer pain. Its been so long that now pain is pain and nothing helps, im in pain all the time. You dont believe me because the smile on my face. Look beyond the smile. Look deep down to my soul. Cant find it? Wondering why? Its because its lost like my heart.