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Sand Castles

Your beautiful blue eyes
Or were they green?
Like an angry wave
Over an angry sea.
I tried to tame you,
Make you mine.
But you raged on and
I wasted my time.
Trying to build sand castles along your shore.




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This article has 4 comments. Post your own!

WeepingWillow said...
May 18, 2010 at 4:13 pm:
I really like this poem, its simple, but says alot, check out my work sometime I can use all the suggestions I can get
 
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GlitterFox said...
Nov. 12, 2009 at 6:41 pm:
Pretty and potent. I especially love the last two lines; somehow they remind me of my past romance experiences. Maybe break the last line into two lines to keep the flow?
I'm glad you asked me to review your work--I'm enjoying every word.
 
AndThisIsReal This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 10:02 am :
Thanks so much for both the compliments and the creative critisism.
I really do enjoy your writing and I'm the kind of person who is open to suggestions.
I think your right about the last line.
And I also think I'll try to write more free verse.
Thanks again!
Have a lovely day.
 
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lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 26, 2009 at 4:25 pm:
BEAUTIFUL!
 
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