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If I kissed you...

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Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to showcase where I am currently at, regarding talent in writing. Currently I have at least five other books I've started on which have the same amount of dedication and talent. When I manage to get a publisher I'll publish them as well when they are finished. This is the first big piece I've put out there that I feel truly shows where I am at in my writing. If you like it, keep in mind this is only part 1, and part 2 is in the works. Any good and constructive feedback is more than welcome. The more feedback I get, the more I will consider there being a part three.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 22 Next »

Good News?

I woke up to the smell of burning. There was something about the smell that wasn't right, something that made me want to throw up. I think I knew what was burning.
Raiden tromped into the shack and I shook when confronted so suddenly with him.
He clapped his hands together once. “I have good news.”
My stomach muscles turned to stone along with the insides. My jaw clenched along with every other muscle in my body. He looked at my reaction, digesting it slowly.
Before I
This is the end of part one, and part two is in the works. The more comments I get, the more I'll think about extending the whole story into an exciting part three as well. Let me know if you like it!
knew it the bed squeaked as he sat on it beside my face. I jerked up, eyes alive before my brain came back to life. He grabbed my arm. “Look at me,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. I didn't know what he was talking about-I had been looking at him, surveilling him constantly since I saw him enter the shack.
I squirmed in his grip, still watching his every movement, but he looked at me as though I still were not doing what he told me to.
He moaned softly, “I went out today.”
“I noticed.” my voice shook.
He snorted. “Yes, you did, didn't you?” he had on a small smile, as though I was meddlesome, and he found it cute.
“We have a trailer now.” he looked at me, nodding in pleasure at fetching this desirable thing. “You will do for me what you said you would.” he stated, concretely. Seeing the hesitation in my eyes, manipulation fit into his, as easily as slipping on a glove. “Or he dies.” he let his voice trail off dramatically.
As soon as the desperation for John's life entered my eyes and the thought of his demise brought emotion to me, Raiden snarled.
“Uh!” He grabbed my jaw, almost dislocating it in his giant hand.
“Don't you see what I'm doing for you?” he half-whispered, half-snarled into my ear, his face touching mine as it shook. “I kill people every day, and I have refrained from killing one of the most annoying-most pathetic one I've come across!”
There was silence as I felt him grimacing into my ear. “I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE!” he bellowed into my ear, as I started shaking violently. I was too scared to even sob.
He grabbed my hair, painfully twisting it and pushing the back of my head up to make me face him directly, my jaw was jutted up farther than I thought it could go, and as he looked down at me, his face into mine, his eyes were trying to rip me to shreds on their own. His lips were grimaced as they floated over mine.
“Do not test me...” his voice shook now. He breathed hard, I whimpered in relief as his grip on my hair loosened. “What would happen?” he asked hoarsely, seemingly to himself as he looked me over with this strong, sick wanting.
“Uh!” I made this shocked, helpless noise as he let my hair go and pushed me by my back closer to him. He studied me, my face still hadn't moved from it's position, I was afraid he would hurt me more if I moved it. He looked at me expecting an answer, silently questioning.
“If you did what?” I choked, voice breaking.
He was almost panting, looking at my lips.
“If I...”
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 22 Next »


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This book has 125 comments. Post your own!

TatielThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm:

Wowwwwwww. This is SO good. =)) I have only read the first two pages, but what I've seen so far is amazing! I will have to see if I can make time to read the rest...=D Very nice!

I love the flashback. Flashback and dreams. Those are both two amazing things, if done well. ;) Hehe =)

The only criticism I have is about the first conflict with the killer in the very beginning. If the girl (Kim? I love your name choices, btw. =)) Especially Maleah) is tied up, how does she get the sh... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm :

Thank you for your comment!I like your comments they're always very positive :) I think you may have read it a little too fast, so I'll give you a quick description of what happened:

John and the killer fight and the killer's shears are knocked out of his hands, then John is on the ground getting pummeled by the killer, and as he tries to strangle John, John finds the shears and sticks them in the killer's shoulder. That's when the killer falls back and Kim knocks him out with her feet... (more »)

 
TatielThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 6:29 pm :
Ohhhhhh I see. That makes a lot more sense. =P I was under the impression that the girl was the one who hurt him with the shears. I get it now! Haha. Looking back, I see that you don't say anything about the girl hurting him with them. I think I just assumed that's who it was, because you don't say specifically who does it, and she is the one narrating. Thank you for explaining. =P
 
KateLA replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm :
It's no problem :-)
 
TatielThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm :

...*comments yet again* =P

I ditched my giant worldview essay and finished reading this. =D Hehe. And I am definitely interested in reading a part two, should you write/post it. =)) Your writing is very engaging =)

 
KateLA replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 7:38 pm :
Thank you so much! That really means a lot to me, you're the first one outside of my family to say that they're interested in my writing, so thank you :-)
 
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