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Summary: the story revolves around a boy who discovers he and his siblings are Keepers of the Mind,people who created life in the beginning of time. but a very mystyrious dream has found its way into him. will this become true? is this the future? read more to find out.

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This book has 10 comments. Post your own now!

Eliahumandoglover said...
May 31, 2012 at 8:36 pm
You never say. Who is Lance?
Eliahumandoglover said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:10 am
Is this the end of the story? It's so good are you going to write more? Such a great plot!
dusty8ball replied...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm
no its not finished im still working on it and THANK YOU! im glad you liked it. theres still some bugs i need to fix.
CarrieAnn13 said...
Nov. 1, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.

1.  You need to paragraph more often.  This is a style thing, but it really makes it easier to read.  You might also want to vary your sentence length a bit more, so it doesn’t read like a Ford Model T trying to start on a cold morning.  Short sentences have greater impact when they are in the midst of longer sentences.

2.  Okay, you might want to tone down the description.  It seems like you’re telling t... (more »)

dusty8ball replied...
Nov. 2, 2011 at 6:50 am
well thank you for that. i will try to fix that later. any other help on upcoming chapters is greatly appreiciated!
CautionwetPaint said...
Oct. 26, 2011 at 7:53 am
I also really liked the storyline of this novel, and I think it'll go places on teenink, just a few minor details that need to be adresses. First off, in your first three chapters you don't start a new paragraph for quotation marks, but in the fourth one you do. I just wanted to note that, and am glad you charnged it in the fourth. Also, in the first three chapters you did loose me a little, but it kind of came together again in the last chapter you posted (4th). Lastly, the cursing. I mean I am... (more »)
dusty8ball replied...
Oct. 26, 2011 at 9:55 am
hey thanks for the imput! u really think i have a shot of getting this published if i clean it up?
CautionwetPaint replied...
Oct. 26, 2011 at 10:01 am
Yeah, totally! Just keep working on it, and trying to improve it. :)
RayBaytheDinosaur said...
Oct. 24, 2011 at 11:09 pm
The storyline sounds really intresting but there were a few little things that could've made it better, for one thing, TeenInk doesn't specify this very well so alot of people do this on their first novel but you kinda have to put an extra enter between each paragraph to keep them well seperated, it makes it a much easier read, also there were a couple puntuation problems but that can be easily fixed by a proofreader, and finally, it was a little confusing and lost me a few times, so you may wan... (more »)
dusty8ball replied...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 6:59 am
why thank you RayBay. i need to fix it like you said. you know with my first novel, there will be kinks. ill try to fix those and what made u lost. thanks for ur imput

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