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Celestial

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lovelycheese
Celestial
Summary: Celestials and their ancient legacy have disappeared with time's passing.
Summer is one of the last remaining Celestials in the entire land of King Lance and King Slade. Once she's discovered and brought before King Slade, her Element - Fire - is taken advantage of. While Summer's being juggled between two Kingdoms, no one notices as a third Kingdom arises.
And who is the King? Not a man. It's Summer's long lost mother.
Stuck in between the Kingdoms, it's up to Summer to decide the fate of all the Kingdoms - once and for all.



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This book has 242 comments. Post your own!

Annerdy said...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 10:22 pm:

I like the time and setting of this; how it's like a fairytale with a twist. Your style of writing actually really reminds me of "Ash" by Malinda Lo (a modern twist on Cinderella where the main character actually does hunt with a bow also) and the type of revised tales that Donna Jo Napoli writes. I wish you incorporated more "showing than telling" into the story because the beginning of Chapter Two kind of lost my attention. It was easy to figure out what type of person Mira was, but I wish ... (more »)

 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm :

Thanks for the critiquing! Yeah, I thought about removing Chapter Two in place for something a bit more interesting to read, and I also did think about clearing up Summer's personality. I'll have to revise it when I submit more chapters. Haha I haven't heard of Malinda Lo or read Donna Jo Napoli, but I'll be sure to check it out sometime. 

Yup, girl power. I was aiming for that. Thanks for the helpful feedback(:!

 
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Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 11:40 am:
I really like it!! I think you have very good writing skills especially in this genre!! Most people write about the norm but I like how you experimented and produced this!! The description of everything is excellent and I like how you mentioned the forest in a great depth and how the description was told as if it was describing a person (there's a word for that but I can't remember what it is) anyway well done!!
 
Pandora118 replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm :
do u mean personification
 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 24, 2011 at 8:31 pm :
Haha thanks. I didn't know I had all that stuff in there, but I guess that's what I get for reading too much. Yeah, I think you meant personification. Thanks so much!
 
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charmiypiggy said...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 9:55 pm:

I like the idea you have for the story. Your wording and descriptions are good, and I would gladly continue reading it. But I must point out all the mistakes I can.

 

'...plunged into the warmness of the fire.' Should be warmth instead of warmness.

 

'Within the arms,....' Correct to 'Within them,'

 

'...was filled of confusion.' Change to either 'was full of confusion' or 'was filled with confusion.

 

'... walked int... (more »)

 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 11:01 pm :
Whoa, thanks for your comment! I wouldn't have spotted those errors if it weren't for you. I'm a picky grammar person too, and I can't stand spelling mistakes either.When I submit the next chapter, I'll correct the mistakes. Thanks for editing(: 
 
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Pandora118 said...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 5:03 pm:
i thought it was very interesting. i luv all fantasy novels but this has to be one of my favorites!
 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 9:27 pm :

Thanks so much! Your comment really means a lot to me. I was thinking about taking a break on this novel (already was, actually) to do some nonfiction writing. However, I think I'm going to continue now(; I didn't think people were still reading this book, especially since the novel fantasy section has the most books. 

Thank youu!

 
Pandora118 replied...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 10:50 pm :
I think you have some skill. If you enjoyed writing that, I think you may have just found your voice. It was truly awesome.
 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 11:04 pm :

Thanks, I'd been hoping someone would say that. :]

And, if it didn't bother you too much, could you read my realistic fiction article called Dear Juliet? It was approved yesterday and I'm not getting many views; I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks(:

 
Pandora118 replied...
Jan. 23, 2011 at 9:04 am :
Sure if it doesn't bother you to read my fiction article Northern Slave. It was approved yesterday and I would like some feedback. It's hard to find so I would use the search box
 
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mudpuppy said...
Jan. 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm:
Interesting. I love how you use more modern dialogue so that the reader can relate to the characters better. I love any type of fantasy with a more modern feel to it. Five out of five.
 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm :

Thanks! 

I was aiming for a more timeless setting, and I didn't want to get too much mixed up with old-fashioned writing. I appreciate your rating(:

I'm not sure when I can post again, because I'm stuck between school craziness. I'd like to get at least five chapters done before I do submit it to the editors. 

Again, thanks for the feedback!(:

 
mudpuppy replied...
Jan. 22, 2011 at 9:20 pm :
I understand what you mean, school is keeping me pretty busy, too. :) But still nice story.
 
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Coffee said...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm:

I thoguht it was pretty good, written exremely well.

I like the element thing. I think that it's kind of predictable though, at least for now. And the girl hunting with a bow thing is just a little but cliche. But I did think it was good, and I encourage you to write more. :)

 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 8, 2011 at 11:57 pm :

Yeah, I'm trying to throw in some unexpected twists to the story to make it less predictable. Although I'm not sure what you mean by the cliche part? I might take that part out, though.

Thanks for the feedback!(:

 
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Spice_95 said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:37 am:
awsome book. Just loved it...
 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm :
Thank you, Spice _95! I'll be sure to submit more chapters up soon. (:
 
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badabing said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm:

Great work!

The descriptions were great, and the imagery was vivid. Overall, five stars. 

Keep writing:D

 
lovelycheese replied...
Jan. 7, 2011 at 9:07 pm :
Thank you, badabing! I'll post more up soon. 
 
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