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Jewels

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KingMothra
Jewels
Summary: The Venenum, a group of assassins, are gifted with unique powers. The group is shrouded in mystery, and the members even more so. But when the Corocotta, a sinister band of beast tamers, attacks the Venenum, they must fight to stay alive. Lives will be lost, hearts broken, and surprises are around every corner...





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AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:12 pm:
I have just finished the first chapter (I am going to read the rest of it, but I don't know when...) and I am very impressed! Excellent imagery! The only thing I would suggest, is that you might try to vary the sentance openers. I loved how you were able to get into the minds of your characters in the first chapter, and I believe that I saw some very well done forshadowing. Good job!
 
KingMothraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 6:43 pm :
Ah, thank you very much! Your feedback is greatly appreciated!
 
AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 4:10 pm :
So I just finished your book, and I enjoyed it! This comment will probably turn out long, but here is what I thought of your book: - I LOVED your battle scenes; most stories I read have lame ones, but you did perfectly describing them - there were a few cleche parts though (ex: screaming "No" as someone dies, etc.) - also it was strange for Emerald and Saphire to disable Sicle so easily when he killed Ruby who seemed more powerful than either of them - I really appreciated the warning ... (more »)
 
KingMothraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 23, 2013 at 7:01 pm :
Thank you! But you see, Pearl's words are completely necessary for later on (he becomes quite important...), I have no excuse for Sickle (I was probably in a lazy mood...). Thank you kind reader!
 
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