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Derelict

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Kestrel135
Derelict
Summary: The world is about to end, sooner than anyone could expect. But only two people know that it is coming. One is brutishly murdered hours after the discovery; the other pressed with the warning of death overhead. No one can say anything, or lives will be lost; but if no one says anything at all, the whole world will be nothing but dust.
Meanwhile, the earthen Colony and Earth itself wage a deadly verbal debate.
The world will end.
The politics will fend.
And there are only a few meager possibilities of escape.
Run. Die.
Or fight.





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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 23, 2013 at 6:56 pm:
Chapter three online. It's still a bit rough, but I would appreciate any feedback anyone might have! Thank you! :)
 
kingsketchy replied...
Dec. 25, 2013 at 7:28 pm :
Wow. Just wow. The maturity level of this writing is fonominal in my opinion. I'm sorry to say but i did not read past the prolouge, though it looks amazing. When you asked on the forms about the waking of your character, I was quite worried when you said jyou were gonna go with the dream idea, no offense to Mr. Blackbelt. I was just worried that it would come out looking a bit cheezy, but after seeing your writing i realize I was very wrong. With this mature of a character, It might turn ou... (more »)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 26, 2013 at 4:13 pm :
Thank you! I'm glad you think so. Sometimes it can be a bit confusing, and I've found that what I really need to work on is being a bit more direct in certain places. I do see how wandering into a dream could be a bit cheesy if not approached correctly, but I hope that I can make it work fluently with the story (I'm still unsure if I should or not). Please keep on reading if you want to; the prologue is really the most vague part of the story. Chapter one is a bit dull, however, thin... (more »)
 
AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 6 at 1:06 pm :
Hey! So I don't know if you remember me (we posted a ton on this page a long time ago...), but I am still really interested in reading your novel! It is really good! Unforuntately, I don't get on this site much anymore, but I just wanted to encourage you to try "Camp Nanowrimo" this April to try and finish your novel. If you remember my book, Remember the Crossroads, I finally got in finished because of Nanowrimo! In any case, I would love to see you finish your novel, and my... (more »)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 6 at 6:20 pm :
Aw, thank you so much! I have been facing a little writer's block recently, but am slowly but surely overcoming it. I will be sure to read the rest of Remember the Crossroads (I still am intruiged by the orginiality of that story) if you have it posted or am going to post it soon. Is Camp Nanowrimo a website or a physical place? I'll be sure to look into it and probably join either way, but it's good to know what I'm looking for. Having mutliple venues for writing a... (more »)
 
AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 8 at 3:29 pm :
Oh, I hate writer's block so much. In fact, I am struggling with it right now. I will not be posting Remember the Crossroads here because I am seeking out an agent to get it traditionally published. However, if we could exchange e-*mail ad*dresses (I have a fake one for the internet) using the Camp Nanowrimo, then I would be willing to send it to you! Camp Nanowrimo is a website which is all about writing a book in a month (of course, I do it with already started novels) if you look... (more »)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 9 at 3:26 pm :
Thanks! I lookked into the Nanowrimo sites, and they look quite nicw, but I still need approval from my parents before I can join. They'll probably say it's fine, they just want to have a look first. When I do I will definitely say hello! 
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 16 at 3:09 pm :
I joined today, and find it interesting. Thanks for bringing it up! 
 
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LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 20, 2013 at 8:48 pm:
Sorry it's taken me so long to read this! I really enjoyed this chapter too and now, I'm very curious about what will happen next. I saw a few spelling errors, but not a lot. I found the Provost's identity very surprising. He seems like an interesting character. Great Job!
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 3:47 pm :
Thank you! Later when I read through I saw those errors, too... I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I'm really not supposed to say anything, I guess, under my own rules, but don't forget the Provost. He comes back later...  :)
 
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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 26, 2013 at 6:59 pm:
Oh, and if anyone has read my other book, Hackers, it is the same System. This is the book about the Collapse... And you get to meet the founder of Sami in what I am judging will be about chapter three. If you're curious, please check it out - but it isn't nearly as good as this one is.
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:49 pm :
The next chapter is up online, so please tell me what you think ;)
 
AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:57 pm :
I just read chapter two, and I enjoyed it along with your writing style. The biggest thing that distracted me was that the feels did not seem to flow very well. At the begining, your writing made me feel like I was listen to some little kid over reacting about going to the principles office (which might have been what you wanted), but then suddenly Azaria went from being frightened and scared to rebelious about bold. And then it was hard to see that Azaria was feeling any sympathy for Alan; sure... (more »)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:39 pm :
Yeah, this chapter was lacking some emotional points. I do need to touch it up a little. I was trying to make it seem a little childish the way that she was overreacting about visiting the Provost, and with Alan, she really didn't know him too well. They were a bit disconnected, and Azaria was less greiving for him and more for her mother. And I'm glad you like Eva's personality... I thought it was displayed strongly in the end....
 
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None0 said...
Sept. 25, 2013 at 8:05 pm:
Your writing is superb. Honestly, the description is crafted extremely well into the text and the transitions are very smooth.   For the criticism, the content seems lacking in the story. I didn't notice any description centered around appearence, or any description of the surroundings. Throughout the entire chapter, I only had a vague understanding of what the place beyond the main character's desk looked like. You should also introduce the alien species earlier on. If you don&... (more »)
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 26, 2013 at 6:58 am :
Thank you, and I'll make sure to take that into account. I probably was trying to stuff too much in one chapter, mostly becaue I haven't figured out just exactly who the character is yet. I appreciate your comments, and thank you for being honest about what you thought needed improvement. 
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 1, 2013 at 3:40 pm :
Oh, and about the aliens, they aren't actually. It was the first colony which consisted of a few whole countries - in thise case, it was mostly Asia - that managed to plant itself on a different solar system. Earth kept in contact, but things got a bit tense... The people from the Colony are a bit different, having had about 23 years to get situated; long enough to mold their own culture. I shouldn't give away more spoilers then that... I am not exactly good at hiding my plots, am I?
 
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LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2013 at 7:41 pm:
This is an awesome novel. Maybe a few grammatical errors, but very very few. This is amazing. I have to say, that piece about the code-- that's inspired. That's incredible. I can't wait to read the rest! Excellent Job!
 
Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 25, 2013 at 3:53 pm :
Thank you! I'm working on chapter two currently. I hope to have it posted by the end of the month :)
 
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AnInklingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 24, 2013 at 5:08 pm:
I really loved the introduction: it produced a great feeling of anticipation from the forshadowing without giving away any of the plot, and it was enjoyable to read. Also the metaphors were wonderful! But if you want a suggestion, I might suggest taking a single metaphor and extending it throughout the entire introduction because it can be a more powerful method. However, the writing is suberb as it is!
 
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