The Summer I Found Myself
By Anonymous, Flint, MI
Bad GirlI woke up the next morning feeling so happy. I bounced downstairs and grabbed a granola bar and walked out in the backyard to sit in the gazebo. I don’t now how long I was sitting there but all of a sudden Shelly came back there and looked at me.
“Hey, Do you want to go to the beach a little later? I think I need some girl time.” As she said that her phone vibrated indicating she got a text. She read it than immediately started texting back.
“Who’s that?” I asked.
“Carter wants to go to the movies tonight but I told him I haven’t hung out with you in a while so I decided today would be all ours. I told him this earlier this morning, I don’t know why he is still persisting to go.” She shrugged.
“Well, that’s fine with me. I’d love to have a nice girl day out.” I said.
“Alright, well you have to go and get ready.” She smiled at me.
At one point in my life I would have wondered what was wrong with what I was wearing but I now understood there was so much more than putting on a bathing suit.
I got ready and packed up a bag full of things to do while we were there. I looked into the mirror and slapped a bit of make up on. I stood back and when I decided I looked good enough to be seen by the public I walked downstairs to where Shelly was waiting for me. We walked out to her car and rode to the beach over in Fort Raine.
We were laying on our backs listening to the waves come in and go out when all of a sudden a Volleyball smacked me in the foot. I looked down perplexed when I saw Ayden (The Funny Pick-up Line Guy) standing over me, blocking my sun.
His smile was pure white.
“Hey there, I haven’t seen you in a while.” He said.
Shelly then opened her eyes at him and they both made eye contact for a second before he turned back to me.
“Yea, well, I was here for the fire works.” I said.
“Really? I was too but I didn’t see you around anywhere. But then again, it was pretty busy.”
He stayed standing there for an awkward second before he looked over at his friends who were waving there arms around wildly.
“Hey, what’s you number? I think it would be cool if we hung out.” He said as he handed me his phone.
I put my number in his phone and then he was back running over to his friends.
“Why did you do that?” Shelly asked me.
“Do what? I didn’t do anything wrong.” I looked at her confused.
“I see the way Mike looks at you and a guy only looks at you that way if he’s head over heels in love, and here you are over here giving away your number. You could have just asked for his instead and never called him.” She said.
“Now he’s going to call you. What if he calls you while your with Mike?” She finished.
“Well, I mean, I didn’t think of it as that big of a deal.” Her eyes glared at me.
“How would you feel if you knew Mike was giving out his number to other girls?” As she said that I winced.
“Yea, you wouldn’t like it very much would you?” She said as she laid back down shoving her headphones in her ears and turning up her music.
I watched her as she laid down with her eyes closed and her headphones up full blast blocking out the world. I was instantly angry but I knew she was right. I laid back down and soon me and Shelly were headed back to Greenville.
She dropped me off and I went inside and laid down on my bed. I kept thinking about what Shelly said. It replayed itself in my head over and over like a movie. I knew I shouldn’t think too much into but I did. I finally fell asleep.
I woke with a knock on my door. I looked out my window to see the sky so dark. I was still looking out the window when I said “Come in.”
Mike walked into the room and my mood immediately lifted when I saw his smile.
“Hey beautiful, how was the girls day out?” He asked.
I stared up into his eyes and then everything fro today came rushing back. I felt guilty because after I thought about it I realized that it was in fact, wrong.
My face must have twisted because he sat down beside me and asked “What’s wrong Macy?”
I just looked back up at him.
“Nothing, It’s just been a long day. I’m still so incredibly tired.” I smiled weakly.
“Well, why don’t we go out? We haven’t been to a party together in like 2 weeks.”
“I don’t know, I really haven’t felt like drinking much lately.”
“We don’t have to drink. We can go just to see people and socialize like we used to.”
“You act like it was such a long time ago.” I said grabbing his hand and intertwining with my own.
“Well, It feels like it.” He looked at me and smirked.
“Alright, fine. Where are we going anyways?” I asked as I stared at our hands together.
“I guess Janis Reid is having one tonight.”
I looked up at him quickly and asked “who’s that?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t really know her. I only met her once when she was over for one of Dylan’s bashers.” He said smirking at me a bit, and then added. “Why are you jealous?”
I threw my head back and in mock laughter added “No. Why, should I be?”
“No, now get ready. We’re going to have fun tonight.” He said as he patted my hand. He leaned in a kissed me. It was just like all the other ones. Breathtaking and tasted great.
As we walked into the house I was immediately ambushed by Shelly. She was clearly drunk slurring about how there wasn’t any toilet paper in the bathroom and handed me a drink. I gave it back to her.
I looked over at Mike talking to Dylan and a couple people.
“Me and Mike aren’t drinking tonight.” I gave her my best ‘I’m sorry’ face.
“Boo. Well at least cme withme to getta dring.” She slurred as she pulled me toward the kitchen. As soon as I entered a bunch of people started shouting for me to do a celebrity shot at the beer pong table. “I’m not drinking tonight. Sorry guys.” I said brushing past them where there was a counter top cluttered of liquor bottles. I wasn’t surprised when I heard something crunching beneath my feet only to find I was walking on broken glass from some of the bottles falling and shattering. I poured Shelly a drink because just looking at her wobbling I knew she wasn’t capable of doing it herself.
I finally got back out to the living room scanning the room for Mike when I saw him talking to a girl with a beer in his hand. Instantly my face felt hot and I was pissed. I walked over there putting my best happy face on that I could manage.
“Oh, hey Macy. Janis, this is Macy, my girlfriend.” He said smiling at her.
She looked me over, rolled her eyes, and then leaned into Mike and whispered, loud enough for me to hear, “Just let me know when you need a refill. You know where to find me.”
She then looked over at me smiled, without using her eyes, and walked away slightly shoving me in the shoulder.
“Can I talk to you in private?” I said as I looked back at him with this big goofy grin on his face.
“Alright, where?” he said looking around.
“Lets try outside.” I said in the best voice I had.
He followed me out by the road where we were almost alone because of a chill outside. He burred and then waited for me to begin while taking a sip of his beer.
“I thought we weren’t drinking tonight.” I said smiling while mashing my teeth.
“Well, she handed me a beer and I didn’t want to be rude so I took it.” He smiled earnestly at me.
“Well, who’s driving home tonight?” I asked taking my pathetic smile off of my face.
“I will. I won’t drink another beer after this one.” He said.
I took a couple breaths and then finally let it out.
“Alright. Well, Shelly is really mad at me for not drinking with her so I think I’ll have a couple drinks with her tonight.”
We both turned our attention back to the house and through the window Shelly was inside the living room grinding up on two girls laughing.
“She doesn’t look mad.” He said squinting back at me.
“Well, That’s how shelly works. She pretends she’s not mad and then the next day she lets you have it.” I said as I thought about how bad I was lying.
“Alright, fine.” He said slowly then leaned in for a kiss. Then he added “Well, I’m going to go back inside. It’s freezing out here for some reason.”
We both walked back into the house and I went over to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I sucked it down even though it burned. I thought, This can be a lot worse. I poured myself a second one and gulped every last bit down.
After gulping down the last drink I started to waver and couldn’t control my slurring. The radio was playing a techno song so I went over into the kitchen and started dancing on Shelly who was way drunker than I was. Shelly pulled me over to the side and pulled out a plastic bag full of some kind of green plant. I looked at her confused and asked her “What the hell is that?”
“Don’t be such a priss. It’s just weed.” She smirked at me.
“Where did you get that from?”
“Oh my goodness. If I knew you’d flip out about it I wouldn’t have showed you. I thought you might want to try it with me.”
“Alright.” I said and took the cigarette that was dangling between her two fingers out of her hands and took a deep drag of it.
“Now, that’s what I’m talking about.” She said laughing.
I looked over to where Mike was standing by the door and he just stared at me slack jawed at me as I took a second hit of the cigarette. I was so not in the mood.
I asked Shelly for a cigarette for myself and walked outside with it. I lit it up and started smoking it. The cold was really biting at me. Mike came up behind me and grabbed me. I looked up at him even though it was hard to focus on him.
“What are you doing?” he asked with a look on his face that just meant he was mad.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m just really pissed off.” I looked up at him.
“This isn’t the Macy I met. The Macy I met in the beginning of the summer wouldn’t pick up a habit like that. The Macy I knew wouldn’t lie to me so she can get drunk. Do you honestly think I believed that whole ‘Shelly’s already mad at me’ line? I saw right through it, but I thought, hey, so she wants to get drunk. Sometimes I feel like that too. But when I saw Shelly pull out the weed in there and hear you agree to smoke it with her. I feel like your not even close to the person who I fell in love with. You’re this product of Shelly. Like she rolled you up and made you like this. I don’t even know what to do.” he said shaking his head looking at the ground.
“You fell in love with me?” I asked softly.
“Isn’t it obvious? Even though Shelly hit on me I paid no attention to her. Nor any other girl. You are the only one I care about. And if you can’t grasp that then I don’t think we need to be together. I want the other Macy back.
“I still remember when we first met. You were sitting on the couch with all these guys staring at you. I wanted to know what was so important and then I saw. You were looking around the room and I wondered if it was the girl that was on the couch earlier so I bullshitted. And then I went to clear my head and you were there too.