Starving for love and craving affection
The war truly begins"What the hell is going on with you two?" Maya asked.
It hadn't been more than 2 weeks since Brian and Chelsea had made the horrible deal but the effects were already beginning to show. Neither Brian nor Chelsea could hide it anymore. Maya could easily see something was wrong from a mile away and she was going to find out what it was because if she didn’t she had no idea what would happen.
"What are you talking about?" Asked Chelsea trying to play the innocent card but all three of the teens knew all too well Chelsea was anything but innocent. If anything she was more guilty than any of them. She had a huge secret on her shoulders that kept from everyone for years. Her whole life was pretty much a lie because she scared of anyone finding out the truth. It was defense mechanism and it worked perfectly fine, at least until about two weeks ago.
"Don’t play dumb. You know very well what I’m talking about. Brian is literally the walking dead and you're not much better. You are acting weird and shady and I have no idea why. You guys either have become super heroes or you're hiding something major from me and I want to know what it is."
"There's nothing going on," said Chelsea as she laughed nervously. She was a horrible liar and Maya immediately saw through her deception.
"You are incapable of lying. I mean you are definitely the worst liar, ever. So stop with the BS and just tell me what’s going on.” Maya was not her usually cheery self and that was worrying Chelsea. She had only seen this side of her a couple times before. Chelsea always knew that everything Maya took on would finally become too much and it would come to the surface, she just didn’t think it would happen so soon.
"Maya, honestly I have a lot to deal with so can we just get the little intervention over with. You already know what's going on anyway, it's the same thing that's been going on for the last 3 years and will probably be going on for the rest of my life," Chelsea's eyes opened wide. Something was seriously edging at Brian. She wasn't really so surprised by his semi-ambiguous confession but by the tone in which he said it. And did he just say he was planning on never getting better? How was that supposed to make Chelsea and Maya feel? How were they not supposed to be scared?
Maya was definitely worrying about Brian after what he just said but she wouldn't say anything. She really didn't want to lecture him today. She wasn't in the mood. She was tired of being motherly. Having to babysit everyone else was finally getting to her.
Why was she always taking care of everyone else? Why couldn't someone take care of her? When would she get a break? When would she get to live? She knew life wasn't fair but it had to be better than this. She was an instinctive care but eventually she had to take a break. She couldn’t do it forever. For once she would let Chelsea and Brian figure out their own problems.
"You know what Brian I'm not going to get into this. This is your problem and you can deal with it yourself," Brian turned his gaze towards Chelsea. They were both were thinking the same thing: Why was Maya so upset?
"Did I do something wrong?" Brian sounded much more innocent now.
"No, at least not anything you haven't done before." That was bittersweet. Brian had escaped confrontation but he was still left with the disappointment.
Maya was obviously disappointed in him and hurt because of him and he could feel it. But he couldn't fix the past couple years. Yeah, in theory, he could change the future but he didn’t really know if he was capable of that either. He didn’t know if it was really possible. He was set in his ways and no one could change that. Brian was convinced that he would eventually die at the hands of the disease. It was inevitable.
"I'm going outside," Brian announced.
"Okay," responded Maya. She stared at Chelsea waiting for her to follow the tall, thin but absolute stunning boy. She knew Chelsea well enough to know that she would, "Aren't you going to follow him?"
"Aren’t you going after him?"
"Am I his babysitter?" No, Brian was capable of handling himself. Honestly, Chelsea needed a babysitter much more Brian did.
"No but he's your best friend and he seemed pretty mad.”
“He’s your best friend too,” she retorted.
“It's your turn to deal with him. I’m done."
"Is something wrong?"Chelsea asked genuinely concened. Maya and her had official switched roles. This was a role unfamiliar to Chelsea. She was used to being the harsh one. She was the tough one and Maya was the understanding one. That's the way it had always been and the way it was always was suppose to be.
"No, I'm just tired of fixing everyone else's problems. I have problems of my own to deal with."
"Okay, if you're going to be like that then I'll go after him, not that I have any idea what to say," Chelsea said reluctantly. It was just like the other day. Brian was standing outside smoking, which he had been doing a lot more often lately. He was smoking close to two packs a day and that excessive for Brian who usually was nothing more than a light smoker.
"Are you alright?" He just looked her and she automatically knew the answer.
"I don't know, maybe." He ran his hand through his thin, almost-black hair.
"Okay, let me rephrase the question. What's wrong?"
"Everything." She needed more of an answer than that.
"Not an answer. Can you be a little more specific?" Brian didn't answer. Chelsea yet again rephrased her question
"Is it about the deal?" She asked bluntly.
"Yeah, it was a stupid idea but you can’t go around acting like this. You need to get yourself together or we’re both going to get caught," she said angrily.
"Whatever," he rolled his eyes.
“I’m not kidding. Stop acting like a damn child,” she looked at him fiercely, her face full of disappointment, “And can you at least try to start eating.”
“Maybe I would if you weren’t behaving the exact same way,” Brian retorted, his voice full anger, “Chelsea if anyone needs to start eating it’s you.”
"Says the person who is basically almost dead," she responded spiteful.
Actually though, at this point Brian might as well have been dead. He was nothing more than bits and pieces of the guy she loved for years.
"You're really over-exaggerating." He wanted to believe that but he knew all too well that she wasn’t.
"I'm not though,” she simply stated, “Everyone can tell you aren't eating. You look like you haven’t slept in a week, which you probably haven’t, and you’re always in a bad mood. Plus you’re losing a lot of weight. Brian, accept it, you are well on your way to starving to death."
She hated acknowledging it but everything she said was true and she had to accept it. If Brian kept doing what he was doing he would be dead pretty soon.
"For some reason I don't believe you,” his tone was harsh and full of malice. He looked at Chelsea; she looked worried and scared but most of all she looked lost. Maybe she wasn’t lying, “Maybe I might look a little sick but I can’t look that bad," he pleaded. He wanted to convince himself of that and he wanted Chelsea to validate it.
"Trust me. Nalin even noticed. You look seriously sick. You are pale as f***k, you have no energy and you’re always on edge. It’s scaring the hell out and I don’t get scared, that’s how bad it is and if you don’t start eating, it’s going to get a whole lot worse."
"When did you talk to Nalin?" It didn't make sense. Nalin and Chelsea were barely acquaintances, so how could they have talked long enough to have a serious conversation? What the hell was going on?
"About a week ago,” she said regaining her composure.
"Did you tell him?" Brian was getting kind of nervous and a little anxious. He didn't want anyone worrying about him more than they needed to and he knew if Chelsea told Nalin that would cause him to worry.
"Kind of," she became quiet.
"What does kind of mean?"
"He figured it out on his own."
“Obviously he could see it. Anyone with eyes can see you aren’t alright.”
"So you left me out to dry. I'm starting to think that if I just told Maya we would be a lot better off. Why did you have to go and tell Nalin, anyway?" Chelsea cut him off.
"He knows about me too," she said quietly and calmly.
"That makes it worse." He was bitter and angry. It read all over his face.
"Trust me, nothing can make my life worse than it is right now. If anything maybe Nalin knowing will make things better."
"Your life can't be worse than mine."
"You would think that wouldn’t you and you’d be wrong."
"I'm a straight a guy with an eating disorder, my ex-girlfriend of 5 months, broke up with me by text and my best friend is trying to kill herself. I don’t know how your life could be any worse than that."
"I'm in love with a guy who has major problems, to point that he’s just short of killing himself, and I know he will never love me back." And with that she won.
He lay fast asleep. His long, insanely curly hair, black hair was messy and his eyelid shut closed. He looked so pure. He looked so peaceful and innocent, like he was incapable of doing wrong. Normally this wouldn't worry Chelsea but Brian wasn't just sleeping he had fainted. And she knew why he fainted and to top things off she wasn't the only one there to witness it. She saw the beautiful boy slowly opened his eyes. He looked around and it immediately registered in his mind what happened and he knew it wasn't good.
"You awake?" Chelsea whispered. She definitely hadn't slept that night. She was still wearing the same clothes as the previous day. He continued to stare at her because her smile made him happy, it almost made him not want to keep fighting to live. Almost. But almost wasn’t good enough.
"Yeah," he muttered. "Am I in trouble?" He smiled warmly. His sweet smile, making Chelsea want to forgive but she couldn’t. He had pulled this crap one too many time.
"Oh yeah, of course you are. You f*ing fainted in the middle of my damn living room."
"Did anyone else see?"
"Other than Maya and Nalin, no but you have to stop this or at least be more careful." She looked at Brian hoping a light bulb would go off in head but she got nothing. It wasn't like she really could say anything more though because after all she wasn't eating either.
“I’m not kidding, you have to stop,” she said more forcefully and serious than before.
"I know." right then Nalin walked in. His big brown eyes full of worry. It actually made Chelsea's feel horrible because she was causing him so much pain. Someone as gorgeous as him, and she did still think he was beyond gorgeous even after so many years, didn't deserve to have to deal with so much. No one deserved to have to deal with any of the crap he had to deal with. Come to think of it all of them had a lot to deal with. They were 16 year olds, life was supposed to be easy but it wasn't. Whoever said life wasn't fair was referring exclusively to the 4 teens and that made it all the worse.
"Is he awake yet?" Nalin asked Chelsea as he carefully avoided her gaze. He couldn't really look at her as of late. He was too scared of letting himself fall for her again just to get hurt. He didn’t think he could handle it.
"You know I can hear right?" Brian said annoyed. He was annoyed that everyone treated him like a helpless case. He wasn’t as delicate and fragile as everyone thought. He was capable of handling himself.
"Oh, sorry. You alright?"
"I guess I'm as alright as I can be." They all just looked at each other in silence: no one wanting to say a word. Brian didn't know what to say, Chelsea didn't have anything to say and Nalin was afraid to say. But eventually Nalin did break the silence.
"When will you stop pulling this crap?" his tone was harsh.
“What in the hell are you are talking about?”
“You know very well what I’m talking about?” He said angrily.
"I can't help it." He simply and honestly.
"Don’t play the victim,”
“I’m not playing the victim. I actually can’t help it.”
“I want to believe but I can’t because every time you seem to be getting better you always do something to screw it up. It's like you have a death wish. Maybe you do have one and no matter what I say nothing will ever change."
"I don't have a freakin death wish and this is actually out of my control."
"That is a bunch of crap and you know it. You went along willingly with Chelsea’s idiotic deal. Someone who actually wants to get better would never do something that stupid. Brian, you are capable of getting better, you just don’t want to." he turned his attention to Chelsea "And Chelsea, What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You somehow have developed an eating disorder and refuse to get help despite knowing how dangerous it is. How does that happen to someone like you? You’re better than this?"
"Do you really want an answer?" She was challenging him.
"Considering you are one of the few real friends I have and your trying to commit suicide, yeah I want an answer."
"I don't have an answer. It doesn’t matter anyway because no matter what I tell you, you’re still going to give me a lecture," She said simply and without apology.
"Of course I am because I don’t understand how you don’t know why you're trying to killing yourself and by the looks of it, succeeding?" Brian was getting engrossed in the conversation. It was actually kind of funny, in a sad way.
"You want an answer. I do it because I'm not good enough," she said audaciously.
"Good enough for what? Good for enough for who?" He questioned.
“Does it matter? You asked for an answer and I gave it.”
“Yeah, it kind of does.” Everything about her mattered, it always had. It sucked that he was starting to fall for the dark-haired, dark-eyed beauty again.
"You guys. My friends. You, Brian and Maya,” she blurted out, “Are you happy? I'm like a waste of human life and everyone knows it. You guys deserve someone better as a friend. Someone who is actually worthy of your friendship.” She waited a few seconds for Nalin to respond, "See, you can't even disagree."
"I don't think I can even respond to that,” he stated, “Chelsea you are not a waste of human life and are definitely worthy of our friendship,” he looked confused, hurt and a little upset but most of all worried, “I don’t know how you could even think something like that. You are absolutely amazing and I have no idea why you can't see that."
"And there it is," Brian chimed in, consciously interrupting their romantic moment partly because he was jealous and partly because he felt left out.
"Okay, now what are you talking about?"
"Have they kissed yet?" asked Ronnie, Chelsea's younger brother, who was peaking through the open door, interrupting Brian before he had the chance to say anything.
"Really?" Chelsea exclaimed, "Why would you want to know that?"
"I don't but Maya does. She paid a five bucks to find out," and Chelsea couldn’t help but laugh.
"Go, tell Maya, no we haven’t kissed yet neither are we going to."
“That’s what you claim but the second I leave you are Nalin are going to have a full on lip lock.”
“You are so annoying.”
"But that's why you love me," said Ronnie.
"Ronnie disappear somewhere."
"Whatever you want but you can’t deny that you and Nalin are cute together." Both Nalin and Chelsea hated how right he was.