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Starving for love and craving affection

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Next »

Don't back down

“Well look who finally decided to show up to practice,” is the first thing Brian heard when he wandered into the dimly-lit garage. He looked up to see who said it and he saw a somewhat short guy with messy long dirty-blond hair and big hazel eyes. He knew the guy, his name was Tristan and he played guitar in their band.
Tristan stood there looking condescendingly at Brian, seemingly judging his every move. He was judging Brian’s every move but Brian was used to it by now. Tristan had always been like that: judgmental and Malicious. And some part of Brian believed it was because Tristan was jealous.
Nalin noticed this and shot Tristan a nasty look because honestly Tristan had no right to say anything. He was just saying it out of spite or maybe it was to
get a rise out of Brian. Tristan was just that Malicious.
Tristan’s malicious tendencies weren’t Nalin’s main concern right now however. He was more concerned with the fact that Brian looked just the tiniest bit off and when Brian was off all hell broke loose. It’s not like he even looked noticeably off, it’s just that Nalin knew and he didn’t want to take any chances especially when it came to Brian.
“Yep,” Brian said
“Where have you been anyway, I haven’t seen you around?” asked a tall dark-skinned guy named Chris, as he smiled one of the biggest smiles any of the other three guys had ever seen.
“Probably too busy with Olivia,” said Tristan rather bitterly. And that’s when Brian wondered how long it’s really been since he came to band practice. He had broken up with Olivia so long ago.
“Olivia and I broke up months ago,” he said somberly. He avoided Tristan’s gaze and instead decided to stare at the ground because at that moment he found the ground more interesting.
“Well we’d know that if you ever came to practice more often,” Chris said jokingly. Nalin stared at him also, giving him almost the same look he’d given Tristan a minute earlier.
“Or at all,” Tristan said under his breath but everyone heard it. And Nalin turned his angry gaze back to Tristan.
“okay, guys stop grilling Brian about what’s he’d been up to. We have a gig in 2 weeks and we need to get to work,” Nalin walks over to the book case and from the second shelf he pulls out a very heavy chemistry book. He opens the book and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper and hands it to Brian.
“What’s this?” Brian asked
“The lyrics. Sit here and look over them while we show you how the song goes,” Nalin says demandingly.
3 minutes later and they had run through the complete song and Brian doesn’t want to admit but he doesn’t know at all how the song goes. He wasn’t really paying attention as they were playing and he definitely
didn’t even glance at the lyrics. Truth be told he had more important things to think about.
“Brian,” Nalin said trying to get his attention.
“Do you have the song down?” he ask knowing that Brian definitely didn’t considering he wasn’t paying attention.
“No, not really. Do you guys mind doing it again,” he said absentmindedly.
“So, you don’t come to practice for like 2 months and now you can’t focus enough to learn the song. You literally just have to do vocals, that the easy part,” Tristan went off on a tangent, “Can we kick him out of the band now?” Nalin responded by giving him a dirty look and then saying “No. No one is getting kicked out the band,” Nalin turned his attention towards Brian, “Can I talk to you for a second?” Brian nodded and followed Nalin outside.
“Okay, so what the hell is going on with you?” he asked bluntly, making no effort to spare Brian’s feelings.
“Nothing, I’m—I’m fine,” he stuttered slight. He was half-lying but also half telling the truth.
“Don’t give me that bull. What’s going on with you?”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing, I’m just tired.”
“No, you’re more than just tired,” he accused, “It’s something else,” and then it dawned on him, “Are you eating because I swear if you are relapsing again-“ and Brian cut him off because he didn’t want to know what Nalin would do.
“Yes, I am eating. Why does everyone always jump to the conclusion that when something is wrong it has to do with my eating disorder?”
“Because it usually does.”
“Well this time it doesn’t. I’m just really stressed with school, and the band and Chelsea’s issues and let’s not forget the fact the you and Maya are always watching to make sure I don’t relapse,” Brian said honestly.
“We only do it because we care about you and watching you kill yourself is not exactly fun.”
“Yeah, and I get that but if you haven’t noticed for the first time in I don’t know how long I’m actually doing alright.”
“Yeah and who’s to say that’s going to last. You’ve started to recover so many times in the past only to start getting sick again. So just because this time you seem to have more of reason to live does not mean you won’t relapse.” And Brian didn’t want to admit but Nalin had a point.
“I know but it still seems like you guys don’t have faith in me.”
“It’s not that we don’t have faith in you, it’s just that we hate seeing you sick,” Nalin responded trying to justify his actions. Brian seemed to accept his explanation. “But honestly I wish you talk to me.”
“I’m talking to you right now.”
“You know what I mean,” Nalin said forcefully, ”Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”
“You want to know what’s wrong?” Brian challenged.
“Yes,” he answered assuredly but with the slightest hint of caution in his voice.
“It’s Chelsea.”
“What about her?”
and suddenly the redhead didn’t sound so confident.
“I can’t handle you dating her,” Brian stated simply. He paused waiting for a response and when he didn’t get on he continued, “Didn’t we make a pack in 7th grade that we’d never go after the same girl?” Brian asked vindictively.
Nalin remembered that pact. They
made the pack the summer before 7th grade after they had spent literally whole summer fighting over a girl neither of them would ever see again.
“Yes, but we agreed Chelsea was different.” And with that Brian was just forced to accept it and move one except he couldn’t.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Next »

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This book has 12 comments. Post your own now!

Apollo77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:01 pm
I like it. It took a while to get into, but the characters are pretty okay. I think the action moves too fast and the dialogue is right near the brink to cheesy. Also, I would like a little more background at the beginning. I'm starting to think it may have been more successful in first person so that you don't have to keep saying "Chelsea said, then Maya said, then Brian replied." it's too many names to keep tossing around. also, a little more description might have broken up the sentences a li... (more »)
guardianofthestars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:36 am
Your writing skills are good and you've thrown in an anorexic boy (which as far as I know really aren't as talked about as girls with this problem).  There are some grammar corrections you should look into, but as for the story line I think you've got a good one.
IMSteel said...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 7:11 pm
I don't really get into these kinds of stories, but as far as writing, it was pretty good. 
Labtopnerd This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 23, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Needless to say, the grammar, capitalization, and unrealistic dialog really subtracted from the overall quality of the story, but I'm sure you have gone over, and fixed it. It seemed to me like the story catered to one specific gender, which is never good. Try to focus a little more on Brain's thoughts so the girlyness isn't totally overwhelming. Now for some good news. I thought that the story sounded unique, and I really got into all of the drama. I think that if you combed ove... (more »)
Black_Rose_Princess said...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 4:41 am

I really like the plotline and the ideas behind this story. It really is an interesting story and I hope you are planning on continuing it. 

Now some suggestions!

First, there are many typos and a few grammar mistakes, but it isn't anything too serious and I'm sure you can easily catch them when you read back through this.

Second, there are some places where the dialogue is a bit awkward and unrealistic, so maybe go through and read the dialogue once more and smooth ... (more »)

futurenovelist1577 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 18, 2012 at 7:29 pm
I really liked it....had a little bit of trouble (just a teeny bit) reading the dialogue, but it was still very good. Keep up the good work. 
PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 26, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Great story keep writing  could you please check out and comment on my story Manso's Shame  i would really appreciate the feedback
AngelsLullaby replied...
Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:31 am
It was good but the dialogue was a little difficult to understand. 4/5 stars
rainbowwaffles said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I like it so far. :) I hope you post more soon; you left it at a total cliffhanger!!

The dialogue was kind of hard to understand near the end (in terms of who was talking) especially since each time a person spoke, you didn't start a new line. It didn't make it impossible to read, though.

Keep writing!

Maybe you could check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation, and let me know what you think? Thanks :)

BroadwayBaby replied...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I like it, but it hurts my eyes too much to read it because it isn't spaced properly in paragraphs and the dialouge isn't spaced properly either. If you had that straightened out I would be able to read it. I am really sad...

...that I have to give this story up.

marchbutterfly replied...
Jun. 19, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I finally fixed the formatting. The story is now easer to read. Sorry for the inconvenience.
storm459 replied...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 6:13 am
So much drama. This is so good.

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