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If We Collide

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3

Gold and Blue

Redmond flinched back as if someone had struck him and let out a yelp. My head flung around, my eyes trying to communicate the importance of silence. After a minute, he nodded and I silently started towards the door. I crept past the rows upon rows of books and study desks. I glided across the room. My bare feet made only a light sound on the hard oak floor and I silently praised myself for taking of my shoes before I had come. I came closer to the wooden door and its carvings, closer to the cold
thanks so much for reading my book!
metal doorknob. My hand encircled it, and it turned with a loud creak. There was another crash from outside the door, but it seemed more distant now. I gathered the courage to and threw the door open. I carefully snuck out of the room, careful to keep Redmond in view. I glanced around. The red patterned rug underneath my feet was out of place, it has slid from its usual spot. One of the paintings had fallen from the wall. The people stared up at me dully from their new abode on the floor. Farther down the hall, the lights were out. I squinted through the darkness. The hallway was quietly and empty. I let out a sigh of relief, and relaxed my muscles. I turned around and gave a thumbs-up to Redmond who let out a shaky breath. I scanned the hallway one last time, and, satisfied, started back into the library. I had reached the open door when I was blown over by what seemed like a train. I hit the floor hard and saw dots in my vision. I looked up and flinched as I saw a man kneeling in front of me. His eyes were an intense shade of blue, like the sky after a storm and where freckled with specks of gold. He was breathing heavily. His dark brown hair was disheveled; beads of sweat peeking out from under his hairline. His jaw was pointed and his eyes soft. His nose fit him perfectly. I could’ve stared at him forever. But then I remembered the yelling coming toward us, surely the guards. I closed my eyes and jumped back up, ready to fight. He was dazed, but jumped up quickly, mimicking my stance, arms pulled in, feet apart, knees bent. As we circled each other, I looked him over. He was tall, almost lanky in appearance. He was wearing a short sleeved black tee with dark jeans. The muscles on his arms just peeked out beneath his shirt. He was a couple inches taller than me, and looked my age, maybe older. He seemed to be observing me as well. Our eyes met. We both stared each other down, waiting for the other to make the first move. We continued in our little dance. And I ended it. I came at him with a high kick, aiming for his nose. He dodged and came up with a poorly aimed blow to my stomach. I grabbed his arm and swung him over, slamming him into the ground. More paintings fell to the floor. He jumped back up and landed a kick to my shoulder. I flinched at the throbbing and punched him in the stomach. He curled over in pain and I kicked him over, where he sprawled on the floor. I bent over him, as he clutched the face that I didn’t remember kicking. I leaned in closer to see what had happened. He grabbed my arm and pulled me down with him, using the leverage to jump back up as I flew to the ground. He leaped over me and ran down the hall and out of sight. The guards had finally come and I sent them after the intruder. I ran around the other way to cut him off. The paintings and decorations blurred together as I ran. My heart was about to burst. I almost ran into the guards as we met up where he was supposed to be. I was panting as I gave more orders of where he might be and what places to check.
“Okay,” I said “he might’ve run to the b-“I was cut short.
“Um, princess? I don’t think he’s in the house anymore.” a guard said, as he pointed behind me at the open window overlooking the dark grounds, where a blurred figure was just barely visible, disappearing into the forest.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3


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This book has 17 comments. Post your own!

bluedusk said...
Nov. 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm:
this is great but what is it based off of?
 
musicalginger replied...
Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm :
well i didnt really base it off of anything i was just brainstorming ideas and came up with this story in my head. it was a lot harder to put it into words though. Im glad you like it!  
 
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BorderlineGenius777 said...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 4:37 am:
Not bad, not bad. I like it!
 
musicalginger replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:36 am :

Thanks so much!

 

 
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SN3RD said...
Jul. 4, 2012 at 12:54 am:
This is a good and creative read :)
 
musicalginger replied...
Jul. 18, 2012 at 10:35 am :

thanks!

 

 
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FluteFreak said...
May 18, 2012 at 12:49 pm:
This is a nice beginning, but I have found a few typos such as you said "to advanced" when you should use "too" and you also tend to jump from scene to scene with very little transition...
 
musicalginger replied...
May 20, 2012 at 9:27 am :
ok thanks ill definitley work on that
 
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Dr.Solyn said...
May 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm:
I agree with Atl. It is a nice start, however with a little more editing and effort I feel it could be much improved. For me the story so far lacks flow, it's a bit fragmented, as if you're showing us a series of pictures instead of a movie. I'm very interested to find out what's going to happen further into the story and look forward to that. Keep writing!
 
musicalginger replied...
May 15, 2012 at 7:17 pm :
Thank you! i will definitley write more and focus more on the details and making them flow better throughout the story!
 
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Atl.Braves03 said...
May 15, 2012 at 3:42 pm:
You have a really good start. My advice would be to go over your word choices. There were times when I thought you coud have made the scene perfect with a little more vivid adjectives or verbs. Besides that, just take time to read some of the works of great writers such as Steinbeck or Tolkien and learn from them so that you can just keep getting better and better. Good luck!
 
musicalginger replied...
May 15, 2012 at 7:15 pm :
Thanks sooooo much! ill work on it some more and get back to you!
 
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musicalginger said...
May 14, 2012 at 7:46 pm:

if anyone has anymore comments or ways to make this story better, they are appreaciaed greatly =D

(did i spell appreciated right?)

 
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humanbean said...
May 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm:
Awesome story! Its really good :D Hope u write more
 
musicalginger replied...
May 14, 2012 at 7:44 pm :
Thanks! Im glad u like it!
 
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musicalginger said...
May 11, 2012 at 11:51 am:

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes

 
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musicalginger said...
May 11, 2012 at 11:51 am:

ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(

O----o-----0------O--------O

there it goes

 
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