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The Dark Horse

The Dark Horse
Summary: The world hasn't been the same since 2033. Not since the SSO took over in World War 3. They rule cruelly, and they use their strength to create fear in rebels.
But that it about to change. A new rebel will conquer an impossible feat. The SSO's power will be challenged, and the rebellion will have a new advantage.
A dark horse.
They have Matthew Vaughn.

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This book has 14 comments. Post your own now!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm
When Vaughn says "sorry sir, they're wearing us down", or something that's along those lines, and then you add something like it was sonething he had always said, change that, that second part is awkward to read.
KateLA said...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 7:06 am
I really like your descriptions, but the one thing I noticed first (and that really irked me) was that you used Vaughn's name way too much, if you use a word (even if it's a name) alot, it just makes the reader want to throw the book at the wall. No offense mean't of course, I just want to give good feedback :-)
b-ballplaya replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:26 am
I'm not offened. I like good feedback. I'll fix that, and do better about it in the second book.
The_Girl_On_Fire This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 10:55 am
First off, I love your structure of dialogue, but there were a few things that bugged me- like KateLA said, the names are used a little too much, and also som parts are a little unrealistic, like the nuclear weapon thing etc.
b-ballplaya replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 2:22 pm
I know. As I got farther into the book, I got more rushed to get it done.
LiteraryMastermind said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm
The book is good. I know you meant it to be this way, but making Vaughn practically invincible is overkill. It's even worse than Call of Duty: Black Ops. I liked the first chapter's action, but the prison scene was so easy I was expecting that just to be a test to see how good Vaughn was.
LiteraryMastermind replied...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 10:16 pm
Secondly, the nuclear weapon detonated at such a close range would kill everyone there.
b-ballplaya replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 5:39 am

Okay. I'm not an expert at that kind of stuff. I didn't know what would have happened if it blew up in mid-air, so that's what I did. I think the second book will be better, though. I'll make Vaughn more helpless in it.


LiteraryMastermind replied...
Mar. 24, 2012 at 8:57 am
I'm looking forward to the next book!
LiteraryMastermind replied...
Apr. 7, 2012 at 10:49 am
Could you check out my book, A Rebellion, Underground? I'm trying to get more people to read it.
Tatiel said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I just read your first chapter, which overall was very good! Definitely intriguing - I so wish I had more time to read the rest! =/ 

A few comments...First, in the beginning, you say he has lost his memory and doesn't even remember his own name, yet you as the narrator call him by his name. That kind of makes it a little confusing as to if he has really forgotten his name, or is that just a figure of speech? Maybe just refer to him as "the man" or something for the first part, unt... (more »)

b-ballplaya replied...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Thanks for the feedback. You probably had five things I didn't even think about!

Again, thanks for the comments. I'll try and look at it. And your short story, The Duel.

Winged.Living.Free. said...
Mar. 22, 2012 at 6:34 pm
I will read this! :D you should check out some RP's! They are sweet! :D
b-ballplaya replied...
Mar. 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Okay. Im good at that

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