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Shoot to Kill

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Mike D.
Shoot to Kill
Summary: Jason is a 15-years old assassin, working for the mysterious Organization. When Jason leave one of his target alive, it came taunting him. Jason and two other army are fighting to get their hand on Hypertracker. Jason put his training to work and swiftly kills two birds with one stone.

Tags: military




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This book has 8 comments. Post your own now!

Vivian229 said...
Nov. 21, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Great story but I had a hard time following it because of the dialogue. When a new person speaks you need to start a new paragraph to indicate that a new person is talking because people will think that it is the same person talking. I have troubles with grammer, spelling, and whatnot and what I usually do is have a friend read it over before I post. I really did enjoy reading it though.
 
Jappyalldayeveryday said...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 3:17 pm
To be honest I couldn't even get through this whole book because of the grammar. It was pretty bad. However, it seems like you have a good story, just the grammar needs fixing and the story needs to be more organized.
 
JasonMayne replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Is it my gammar that's bad or the whole book? If it's my grammar, then what are the mistakes?
 
J.A.P. replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 8:01 pm
It's your grammar that's bad, the book isn't bad at all, it's a great idea :) But even in the summary of the book, for example: "Jason leave one of his target alive," should be "Jason leaves one of his targets alive" or "Jason left one of his targets alive." There are many more grammar errors in the summary and the book too. I think you should just reread the book and fix those errors, and the book would be good.
 
Jappyalldayeveryday replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Lol for some reason when I commented it logged me in on my old account, sorry
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 8:10 am

Okay, I have a bit of criticism.

1.  More description.  I really want to know more about what's going on and need to learn it from a source other than the dialogue.

2.  You should work on your grammar, particularly the plural/singular usage.

3.  Try reading your dialogue aloud; it sounds kind of stiff.  Try making it sound a bit more realistic.

I think you've got good potential here, but if you fix up those things, your story would be even ... (more »)

 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 11:42 am
l like your story. Jason is epic, to but it simply. I like how you write action, and how your story is a narrative.  Will there be more books with this chracter?
 
JasonMayne replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Yes, there will be more book. I'm planning on a Jaso Mayne series.
 

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